Regrets and Resolutions

The arrival of another year’s end and the New Year holiday is an important transition in time.  The Romans worshiped Janus as the god of beginnings and transitions.  Janus, from whom we get the name of the first month of each year, was depicted with two faces, one looking backward, the other looking forward.   

The image of Janus represents me today.  I’m thinking about the past and wondering about the future.  My natural tendency to look backward with regrets, and to look forward with a combination of doubt, fear, and determination to “do better.”  But today, I’m seeking a clearer understanding of how to “look both directions” in an emotionally and spiritually healthy way.  First off, I’m especially concerned about regrets from the past.

Last Sunday, our senior pastor, Zach Swift, in his message, "Immeasurably More," cited an interesting study.  A large chalk board was placed in lower Manhattan’s Petrosino Square with an invitation to passersby to “Write Your Biggest Regret.”  A camera was positioned to make a video recording of the interesting responses.  As you can see from the video, most respondents expressed various regrets including:
        Not getting involved
        Not being a better friend
        Never going after my dreams
        Not saying “I love you.”
        Not making the most of every day
        Not staying in touch
        All the self-hatred I put myself through

For every publicly admissible regret like these, there are dozens we tend to keep to ourselves.  Regrets emerge within us when we look backward into the silence of time gone by.

How do we dispel the regret, loneliness, helplessness, self-loathing, and even despair that erupt in our sad memories?  As time-bound humans, we are no match for the accusing voices from our past or the uncertain future that looms ahead.  Yet, it is during our low points that we must face a fundamental question: “Is there really a God who loves us and has shown His love and plan of redemption from our sins through His Gift of Jesus Christ?”  Each of us have already answered this question, if not by deliberate faith response, at least by the way we think and live.  Either we have believed in God and are learning to put our trust in Him, or we have rejected Him out of disbelief and have placed ourselves on the throne of our lives.  If we have “enthroned ourselves” as “god,” we are “on our own” in a stark, physical world governed by chance encounters and purposeless outcomes?  At one time, I experienced this reality.

King Solomon is noted for his outstanding wisdom (1 Kings 4: 30-34).  But later in life, Solomon fell into despair when he failed to find meaning and purpose in any of his wealth, pursuits, and pleasures “under the sun” (apart from a God-centered worldview).  He repeatedly cried, Vanity of vanities, all is vanity (Ecclesiastes 12: 8)!  However, when Solomon viewed time and eternity from God’s point of view, he wrote, Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end (Ecclesiastes 3: 11).

The Eternal God has created us to live in a time-bound world but He has also enabled us to imagine eternity.  At Christmas, many celebrate God becoming incarnate man in the bodily form of Jesus Christ.  God became man and stepped from Eternity into our finite world of time.  According to the Bible, our only hope against sin and regrets of the past is to accept Christ, God’s Gift of salvation from sin and death.  Then, we can develop a personal relationship with Christ through daily communion with Him by prayer and reading His Word, the Bible. 

When I abide in Christ (obey His commands for my good; John 15: 1-10), I can look backward and face my “chalk board of regrets.” Then, I can take each regret to God through a humble prayer of repentance where sin was involved (1 John 1: 9; Romans 7: 14-25).  Christ can also give me the humility, grace, and power to go to a person I have offended (Matthew 5: 23-26) or to a person who has offended me (Matthew 18: 15-17) to seek or give forgiveness and become reconciled.  Christ can also help me to forget my failings or turn them into lessons for victory in the future.  In these ways, as I appropriate the provisions of my loving Heavenly Father, my chalk board of past regrets can become a “clean slate.”

Returning to my “Janus” metaphor, when my backward-looking face (and my heart) sees real progress and victory over regret from my past, my forward-looking face (and heart) is encouraged.  With God as my strength and guide, I am encouraged to press on with purpose and courage. 

The Apostle Paul’s life is a testimony of how we can deal with past regrets and make resolutions for a victorious future.  In Philippians 3: 4-6, Paul “looks backward” and reveals his legalistic past as a Pharisee of the Jewish faith which included zealous persecution and imprisonment of Christians.  Then, in verses 7-11, Paul boldly contrasts the reputation he had treasured in his old life with the greater treasure of knowing Christ and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death….  In case his readers would think that he had arrived at perfection, Paul hastens to say (v. 12), Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus.

From my study of Paul’s experience, humility, and balance, I find real encouragement to look back into 2019 at my regrets, to repent of my sin, and seek reconciliation where necessary.  Then, I can look ahead into 2020 with particular resolutions, or better yet, spiritual goals.  I have written out my spiritual goals on a file card as a ready reminder, and I share them here in case you may benefit from them.  Please realize that I share them very much in the spirit of Paul expressed in Philippians 3: 12 above.  

If you think I am overdoing it, “overly spiritual,” or in any way high-minded, just realize that the more I become aware of my own bent toward sin and rejection of God’s rule in my life, the more I find the need to be “filled with His Spirit” (Ephesians 5: 15-21) and deliberate about feeding on God’s Word (Psalm 119: 9-12).  May you too, find joy, inspiration, and a real sense that God is abiding in you and using you through the power of His Spirit as you abide in His Word, commune with Him, and fellowship with God’s people in 2020.

How About You?  If you have never surrendered to the claims of Christ and asked Him to forgive you and be your Savior, I refer you to Steps to Peace with God which will explain how you can become a Christ-follower.  Without Christ, you are dead in sin and are facing eternal separation from God.  Romans 8: 6-7 states that without making peace with God, you remain hostile toward God [and your mind is not "tuned" to the Spirit of God].  In fact, according to Romans 8: 7-8, you are not even able to do so... With Christ on the thone of your life, and the hunger He can give you for His Word and fellowship with His Spirit, you can gain a new and clear perspective on your past (triumphs and regrets) and set fruitful spiritual goals for your future.  If you have questions, I'd be glad to communicate with you.  Just post a “Comment” below or e-mail me at silviusj@cedarville.edu

Resolutions for 2018: Pursuing God --On Purpose

The New Year 2018 has seen the launching of many New Year’s resolutions.  But many well intended resolutions are already falling like leaky balloons.  A sense of failure is enough to keep many of us from ever trying again.   Maybe you can relate to this from your experience.

I’ve been there myself.  But, on this New Year, I’m thinking less about making resolutions and more about my life purpose.   A resolution may express a good intention or aim.  But it seems to me that my resolutions, good intentions, and aims must be based upon my sense of purpose.  I must first define and become committed to my purpose based on what I really value in life.  Then, my resolutions will be "on purpose" and I will become more resolute in my commitment to keep them.

My most recent focus on purpose began on January 1 while I was watching the film, Hugo, with our granddaughter, Della Rose.  This movie, directed by Martin Scorsese, features an orphan named Hugo Cabret who maintains the clocks in a 1931 Paris train station.  The colorful and creatively filmed movie tells the story of Hugo and his friend, Isabelle, who team up to solve the mystery of an automaton.  While attempting to learn more about Hugo’s deceased father, they also discover a mysterious filmmaker who had years before become so discouraged that he stopped applying his great gifts of magic and movie-making.  Hugo’s hideaway in the walls of the train station surrounds him with machines and their gears, springs, and pendulums.  Even the station inspector who seeks to capture Hugo must use a mechanical leg brace to walk.

As Della Rose and I watched Hugo, I began to see an interesting tension emerge—a tension between two contrasting worldviews.  On the one hand, Scorsese could have used his portrayal of early 20^th century machines to underscore a naturalistic philosophy.  Naturalism views the world as if it were a giant machine with interacting parts, all functioning according to laws of physics and chemistry.  Human beings in this world are simply another kind of machine operating predictably according to these same laws.  Accordingly, our behavior is determined by interactions of this evolved anatomical, physiological, and molecular machine we call the human body.  Naturalistic evolution claims that humans and all forms of life were “created” by time and chance collisions of atoms and molecules.  According to the naturalistic worldview, there can be no free will or purpose.

But while Scorsese’s movie has busy machines, unwanted orphans, and an old man who had given up on his purpose for living, it deliberately avoids presenting a purposeless view of life.  Just as the movie appears headed toward endorsing naturalism, a beautiful dialog between Hugo and Isabelle reveals their individual need to know their respective purposes for living.  Let’s pick up the dialog as Hugo tells Isabella about the kindness of a librarian named Monsieur Labisse who has just given him a book to keep.  Isabella replies,

ISABELLE:  He’s always doing that—“sending books to a good home.”  That’s what he calls it.
HUGO [reflecting on what Isabelle has just said]:   He’s got real [pausing again]…purpose.
ISABELLE:  What do you mean? 
HUGO:  Everything has a purpose—even machines.  Clocks tell the time, trains take you places.  They do what they’re meant to do.
ISABELLE:  Like Monsieur Labisse.
HUGO:   [pausing thoughtfully] Maybe that’s why broken machines make me so sad.  They can’t do what they’re meant to do.  Maybe it’s the same with people.  If you lose your purpose, it’s like you’re broken.
ISABELLE:  Is that your purpose, fixing things?
HUGO:  I don’t know.   It’s what my father did.
ISABELLE:  I wonder what my purpose is.
HUGO:  I don’t know.
ISABELLE:   Maybe if I’d known my parents, I would know.

Upon hearing Isabelle’s sad reflection, Hugo pauses to think.  Then he invites her to follow him into the clock tower to look across the grand lighted city of Paris at night through the face of the clock.  After gazing for awhile in silence, Hugo speaks:

Right after my father died, I would come up here a lot. I'd imagine the whole world was one big machine. Machines never come with any extra parts, you know. They always come with the exact amount they need. So I figured if the entire world was one big machine... I couldn't be an extra part. I had to be here for some reason.    And that means you have to be here for some reason, too.

Hugo, Isabella, and automaton

Here, in a tender, thoughtful dialog between two orphans we learn that, while humans are machine-like, they are much more than machines.   Granted, both humans and machines are intelligently designed—“for a purpose.”  But each human being is much more.  Each person is marvelously formed in a mother’s womb and born into a parental relationship.  Seemingly engrained within the DNA and expressed in the soul of everyone is the need to discover and pursue purpose in life.  Isabella wonders if she would already know her purpose if she had known her parents.

After Della Rose and I had finished listening to Isabella’s sobering words, I stopped the movie and replayed the dialog.  Then, I asked,
“Della, can you understand how much Hugo and Isabella wanted to know their purpose for living?”  
She nodded, and I followed with,
“Do you think you will learn what your purpose is as you grow older?” 
She thought awhile and then shared some things she likes to do now as if she already understood how she might learn her purpose from experiences she has enjoyed. 
I continued,
“When you were a little baby, your home and your family was your whole world.  Then, you began to make friends in church, and then in pre-school and kindergarten.  As you continue to grow, learn to love God more, He will help you understand your purpose in life.  For now, God wants you to love Him, obey His commandment to Honor your father and your mother (Exodus 20: 12), and obey your teachers so that you can learn from them.

I thanked God for the opportunity to have this special conversation with our granddaughter.  Then, I realized that she and I had introduced the most important element in any pursuit of meaning and purpose in life—the life and teachings of our Creator.  Martin Scorsese had infused the otherwise cold, purposeless, machine-world of naturalistic philosophy with the warmth and human kindness of a librarian who had given a book to an orphan boy.  Then, God had used the movie to inspire a grandpa and his granddaughter to consider how their Creator is helping them learn who they are and what their purpose is as part of His plan for their lives—through parents, family, church, teachers, and community.

As Della Rose and I watched the rest of Hugo, we saw how two orphans in search of purpose found joy in helping a discouraged film-maker rediscover meaning and purpose.  As I now reflect on our New Year’s Day “movie experience,” I realize that God is our wonderful Counselor and Friend regardless of age.  For both a pre-adolescent girl and her retired grandfather, a sense of purpose in life is important—God desires to be a guide to both the young and old.  If this notion is true, then it is also true that we must subject our search of purpose in life to a much grander pursuit—an all-out pursuit of an intimate relationship with God. 

What does it mean to have an “all-out pursuit of God?”  The daily devotional book, My Utmost for His Highest offers words of wisdom and inspiration from its author, Oswald Chambers.  For January 1, Chambers refers to the Apostle Paul’s writing in Philippians 1: 20 and exclaims:

“My determination is to be my utmost for His Highest.” To get there is a question of will, not of debate nor of reasoning, but a surrender of will, an absolute and irrevocable surrender on that point.  Shut out every other consideration and keep yourself before God for this one thing only — “My Utmost for His Highest.”  I am determined to be absolutely and entirely for Him and for Him alone.

In today’s world, it seems that relatively few people make the pursuit of God their primary purpose. Instead, we seek meaning and purpose in human philosophy, material possessions, prestige, and power.  But, the prophet Jeremiah challenges us,

Thus says the LORD, "Let not a wise man boast of his wisdom, and let not the mighty man boast of his might, let not a rich man boast of his riches; but let him who boasts boast of this, that he understands and knows Me, that I am the LORD who exercises lovingkindness, justice and righteousness on earth; for I delight in these things…" – Jeremiah 9: 23-24

This God, Who wants us to understand and know Him in an intimate way, came seeking us when the Word [Jesus Christ] became flesh and dwelt among us and we saw His glory (John 1: 14).  By reading the Gospel accounts, we can “see” the love of God poured out through the life, ministry, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.  Jesus modeled a life marked by an “all-out pursuit of God”—a life that is rich in meaning and purpose.  John 17: 3 records Jesus praying to His Father in Heaven, stating the essence of Life:  This is Eternal Life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent. 

Here, we have literally the essence and meaning of life spoken by our Creator, Jesus Christ. The commentator in The Reformation Study Bible (Reformation Trust Publ. 2015) expands upon this truth:

The meaning of our lives is at stake.  Our dignity is on the line. If human beings are considered alone, apart from relationship to God, then they remain alone and insignificant.  Our origin and our destiny are tied to God.  The only ultimate meaning we can have must be theological.

All our vows and resolutions end in denial because we have no power to carry them out. When we have come to the end of ourselves, not in imagination but really, we are able to receive the Holy Spirit. “Receive ye the Holy Ghost” — the idea is that of invasion. prayer of Jesus recorded in John 17: 3-4, we can see how closely Jesus’ ties His definition of “Eternal Life” to His sense of purpose in coming to Earth as Savior of mankind:

This is Eternal Life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.  I glorified You on the earth, having accomplished the work which You have given Me to do.

All---Of course, Jesus continually realized that He could do nothing on His own initiative (John 8: 28).  Oswald Chambers reminds us that we must follow the example of Jesus in our dependence upon God for meaning and purpose:

All our vows and resolutions end in denial because we have no power to carry them out.,  When we have come to the end of ourselves, not in imagination but in reality, we are able to receive the Holy Spirit.  "Receive ye the Holy Ghost" -- the idea is that of invasion.  

Maybe you are still holding forth and determined to keep your New Year’s resolution.  More power to you.  As for me, I am learning that it helps if my resolutions are first grounded upon a clear sense of purpose in my life.  And my effort to be “on purpose” is helped as I pursue the joy of the gift of Eternal Life—walking and working daily in the power of God’s Holy Spirit living in me, fed by the “bread” of His Word. 

The Life Report: How Would Yours Read?

I posted my first web log article in Oikonomia, on August 1, 2008, entitled “God: The Greatest “Subject?” My purpose in starting a blog at that time was to focus attention on our Creator God, “The Greatest Subject.” And upon humans and God’s creation as “The Great Objects” of His love, adoration, and ultimately, redemption.  The title, Oikonomia, represents what I believe is “The Great Responsibility” of humans—stewardship, or managing what belongs to God in such a way as to show our reverent love and awe of Him.

Can you think of any other concept from Scripture that is more all-encompassing of human responsibility than stewardship?   Biblical stewardship invites us to adopt the mindset of a servant (not an owner) who uses all of God’s gifts (time, talents, treasures) to honor and glorify Him for the sake of His Son Jesus Christ and His kingdom.   The biblical command in Colossians 3: 17 supports the notion that stewardship encompasses everything we do:

And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by Him.

Did you make a New Year’s resolution in January?  Resolutions are a way of helping us to set goals to better our lives, or the lives of others.  But, how often do we look back and give ourselves a frank evaluation—or, biblically speaking, evaluate our stewardship.  Again, the Bible gives us a good motivation for evaluating our stewardship.  The Apostle Paul, in Romans 14:12 writes, So then each one of us will give an account of himself to God.

In his October 27, 2011 New York Times op-ed column, David Brooks gave some of his readers an “assignment.”  Here it is.

If you are over 70, I’d like to ask for a gift. I’d like you to write a brief report on your life so far, an evaluation of what you did well, of what you did not so well and what you learned along the way. You can write this as a brief essay or divide your life into categories — career, family, faith, community, and self-knowledge — and give yourself a grade in each area.

Several of Brooks’ readers responded by submitting their “Life Reports.”  One was especially meaningful to me as an example of one who is giving serious account of his stewardship.  Brooks published this essay, written in the form of a letter from a father to his two sons, on December 16, 2011.  Here is “The Life Report:  Frank H. Wheeler,” followed by my closing thoughts:
 
The Life Report: Frank H. Wheeler
December 16, 2011 6:52 pm

Dear Todd and Brian,
As my three score and ten years come to a close, it seems a good time to muse a bit about my life. Deep in the mire of active alcoholism in my late 30’s, not many people would have bet I would have passed 40, much less 70. But miracles happen in the strangest of ways and I have been given a life far beyond any I could have dreamed: I am married to the girl of my dreams, coming up on 50 years now. You two, your wives and kids put yourself in my presence, seemingly with pleasure. I have a relationship with, and a healthy dependence upon, a loving God. Both your mom and I have sufficient health, financial resources, mental acuity and interests to embrace and enjoy a robust, diverse life. I had a varied, remunerative, fascinating career in three industries. We seem to have balanced our own interests with responsibilities to our broader societies reasonably well. We, individually and as a couple, have a set of reliable, caring, fun friends different enough to provide spice and perspective, congruent enough to relate. At last count we have visited some 60 countries and seem to be at home in the middle of London or the backwoods of West Virginia. Were we perfect? Nope! Did we make mistakes along the way? Yup! Was it on balance pretty darn good? Absolutely!

Not much of this was predictable to anyone seeing a boy born in modest circumstances in West Virginia in 1940. Higher education was not a norm, a world war was starting, a depression was fresh in everyone’s mind, the average life span for a male in that state was around fifty, people stayed put and guys went to work in the mines, chemical companies or the state road. But my parents, both from humble backgrounds, were different. They had a vision for education, although they had little. They knew how to work hard, live within their means, save for the future, and delay gratification. They knew how to be a neighbor, in the pioneer style, and how to respect family. They had core values and lived by them. They knew God and tried to act as He would want them to act, as best they knew. They educated two boys. They mortgaged their house to found a church. They saved mom’s family farm from foreclosure. Were they perfect? Nope! Did they make mistakes along the way? Yup! Did they provide the foundation for me to build upon? Absolutely!

Now, did I use that foundation? Not for decades. At some point I concluded money and power were the source of happiness. I ran away from the God of my youth. I developed sharp elbows and the ability to “conveniently reinvent facts.” My values, to the extent I had any, were flexible and tailored to any current situations. I ignored obvious and compelling evidence of a genetic predisposition to alcoholism and embraced the magic of Jim Beam. But I did some things right. I worked hard to obtain a useful undergraduate and graduate degree. I had the amazing good sense to marry your mom and she had the poor judgment to stick around. We both shared a sense of adventure that led us enthusiastically to embrace work and other opportunities. I sensed ways to build an asset base by working for fast-growing, small companies and trading short term income for equity. I seemed to be able to do the best job I could at any given time and let the future unfold. We consistently, and to this day, lived below our means. We were able to take prudent risks.

Most fortunate of all, during my alcohol-induced wilderness years, and your early ones, your mom was the steel bands, wrapped in velvet, which held our lives together. As my life spiraled out of control, somehow we survived. I came face to face with the reality of my life, first in jail in Selma, Alabama, and then a moment of clarity in a Nashville coffee shop, Easter Sunday, 1980. Shortly thereafter I prayed, “God, if you are there and you care, I need your help.” God was there, God cared and I got help.

Over time, I did build on the foundation my parents had put in place. I was able to partner more effectively with your mom, expressing my deep and growing love, and joining to mitigate our individual weaknesses and to make the most of our respective strengths. All aspects of life improved and I began to participate in family, community and work in new, enjoyable and largely effective ways. Somehow out of disaster came a confluence of factors that have led to a life I could not have dreamed. I learned not to fear mistakes too much; they were the greatest source of effective learning. I learned to focus my physical, emotional and spiritual energy on things I could change and accept those I could not. I finally discovered that doing the “right” things, in the “right” way and for the “right” motives lead to a general level of contentment even in the face of sadness, uncertainty and legitimate fear. Perfect? Nope! Still much progress to be made? Yup! Largely good and acceptable at 71? Absolutely! Entering the twilight years reasonably at peace? Most of the time!

So, to wrap this up, are there some things I would change? You bet and here are some of them:

1. I would never have used alcohol or other mind-altering substances.
2. I would have become much more open to spirituality much earlier. Nowhere else has “contempt prior to investigation” served me more poorly. I looked at God, institutional churches and believers of all ilks with contempt, anger or amusement. I sought and found, only evidence that supported that view, ignoring evidence to the contrary. And my late blooming spirituality deprived you two of a fuller sense of God in your early years. That I regret deeply.
3. I would have been much more conscious of my footprint on earth. It is amazing how blind I was, and to a large extent still am, to the most sensible of environmental concerns in all aspects of my life. I have not been a good steward of the earth you and your children have inherited.
4. I would have been much more deliberate and thoughtful about how I spent my physical, emotional and spiritual energy, especially in regards my vocations, thinking more precisely about how my decisions affected those around me.
5. I would have been much more open, much sooner, to different people, their perspectives, their beliefs and their life styles. I love the diversity of many of my friends…their variety adds richness, openness, texture and interest to my life. Buddies range from 8^th grade education to GEDs to Ph. D’s to MD’s, from dedicated socialist to a guy to the right of Attila the Hun, from atheist to Hindu to Muslim to Hassidic Jew to Christians of all stripes, from a murderer to a semi-saint, from multi-millionaire to a guy whose net worth is a dog, from about age 25 to me and the list goes on. I treasure the diversity and work very hard to ignore areas of core disagreements, focusing on what I can learn and share. Dialogue not debate.
6. I would have become engaged with the political process, especially at the local level. At least be an informed, engaged voter.

So, how to end this? I look forward to musing about four score years!

Love, Dad
                         *   *    *

My thanks to David Brooks for the idea of writing a “Life Report,”  And, to Frank H. Wheeler for providing a good example that has inspired me to begin writing.  Who knows, perhaps if you and I have opportunity, maybe we can share our “Life Reports.”  I’d be honored to read yours.   And while writing, may God give us the attitude of a humble steward--humility that helps us reflect and write so that our focus may be on what God “The Greatest Subject” has done for us, or in spite of us, “His Greatest Objects.”