On Valentine’s Day, I served breakfast and a colorful bouquet to “my Valentine.”
But, before you think I must be a great husband, there are two things you should know. First, during our 57 years as a married couple, I haven’t been very creative and generous on Valentine’s Day and other special occasions. Second, our generous monetary expenditures are only one way to express love that is so important to our spouses and significant others. (You can ask Abby how well I do in other ways between the holidays.)
Expressions of human love are measured in a currency more enduring than silver and gold. As an indication of how hard it is to maintain good marriages and keep wedding vows, consider the annual monetary expenditures in the “divorce industry.” Pew Research estimates that economic cost of divorce in the U.S. including lost wealth and legal costs are on the order of $50 billion per year. Interestingly, according to the National Retail Federation, Americans will spend an estimated $29.1 billion on Valentine’s Day, in 2026. Thankfully, true love builds an enduring “capital” and stability into relationships—a love that is freely and generously given without thought of return. This is unconditional love, or (in Greek) agape love.
As we approached Valentine’s Day, 1 Corinthians 13 has challenged me as a husband. For example, I can possess great stores of knowledge but if I am arrogant (v. 4), easily upset, rude, insisting on my rights, and remembering all the wrongs that my beloved commits against me (v. 5), then I’m not agape loving her. Furthermore, I can have great faith (v. 2), but if I lose hope and stop believing in the person I love (v. 7), then I’m not showing God’s love. I can even give all my possessions to feed the poor, and deliver my body to be burned (v. 3), but if I am jealous or distrustful of her; or, if I focus on her bad qualities and consider giving up on the one whom I say that I love, then I am surely not showing God’s unconditional love.
God’s manual for married lovers on Valentine’s Day and throughout the year continues in 1 John 4 where we learn that our ultimate source of agape love is from God (v. 7). Indeed, God is love (v. 8) and God shows His love to us in that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him (v. 9). Therefore, the wellspring of my love for my wife must be replenished continually by my willingness to abide in God’s love through the Spirit and the Word (v. 12, 16). In turn, when I love my wife, His love is perfected in me (v. 12). Amazing! Challenging! Possible only in Christ!
Love As ‘Virtue Medicine’
The Scriptures have much more to say about how God fulfills us in mind, body, and spirit through healthy marriage relationships. [Go HERE for continuation of the 2018 Oikonomia Valentine blog.] But God’s Word also gives “life” and fulfillment to those who are single, whether or not your goal is to be married; or to those once married that are now single. Relationships whether or not we are married are more fulfilling because agape love demonstrates its power so clearly that it has been called “virtue medicine.” How is that true?
Consider the wisdom of King Solomon as expressed in the Book of Proverbs. Several proverbs include Solomon’s repeated references to the relationship between godly virtues and our mental, emotional, and spiritual health. Consider the following Scriptures, Proverbs 3: 3-4; 20-23 (Amplified Bible, emphasis added):
When I was a son of my father (David)
and the only son in the sight of my mother (Bathsheba),
He taught me and said to me...
My son, pay attention to
my words and be willing to learn;
Open your ears to my
sayings.
Do not let them escape
from your sight;
Keep them in the center
of your heart.
For they are life
to those who find them,
And healing and health
to all their flesh.
Watch over your heart with all diligence,
For from it flow the springs of life.
In contrast, when Solomon’s father (David) was bearing unconfessed sin against
God, he described the physical, emotional, and spiritual toll it was taking on his
physical and spiritual vitality (Psalm 32: 3-4) (emphasis
added):
When I kept silent about my sin,
my body wasted away
Through
my groaning all day long.
For
day and night Your hand was heavy upon me;
My
vitality was drained away
as with the fever heat of summer.
Again, Solomon who had his own struggles with pride
and its consequences spoke of the blessing of walking in obedience to God (Proverbs
3: 7-8) (emphasis added):
Do
not be wise in your own eyes;
Fear
the LORD and turn away from evil.
It
will be healing to your body
And refreshment to
your bones.
Science of ‘Virtue Medicine’
Makal Albert,
a health writer with experience in biomedical
research at the University of Maryland, has written that love between
individuals produces scientifically measurable physiological and neurological
changes. In his blog, “Love Changes the
Heart—More Than Metaphorically” [See HERE.], Mr. Albert wrote,
“Love for others, as research shows, can be intentionally cultivated. A study in the journal Mental Health, Religion & Culture
found that if individuals silently repeat a phrase embodying love and patience,
such as “love your neighbor as yourself,” it fosters compassionate love.
Additionally, practicing selflessness and performing acts of kindness can
strengthen our ability to act from love rather than ego, according to the
study.
There is much we do not understand about both our own life functions and how God’s love influences our vitality and relationships. But we are learning enough from God’s Word and from scientific studies to realize that reverent fear of the LORD, a delight in His Word, and expressions of unconditional love to God and to our neighbor are healing to [the] body, and refreshment to [our] bones.
We hope this blog has encouraged your walk with God and in your effort to cultivate the fruit of His Spirit in you—i.e. love, joy, peace, patience, and more (Galatians 5: 22-23), and that your Valentines Day weekend will find you giving and receiving much love.
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