Love: 'Medicine' for Both Soul and Body

[Modified from a February 13, 2018 blog, “Valentines and a Better Love.”  Click HERE.]

On Valentine’s Day, I served breakfast and a colorful bouquet to “my Valentine.”
But, before you think I must be a great husband, there are two things you should know.  First, during our 57 years as a married couple, I haven’t been very creative and generous on Valentine’s Day and other special occasions.  Second, our generous monetary expenditures are only one way to express love that is so important to our spouses and significant others.  (You can ask Abby how well I do in other ways between the holidays.)

Expressing True Love
Expressions of human love are measured in a currency more enduring than silver and gold.  As an indication of how hard it is to maintain good marriages and keep wedding vows, consider the annual monetary expenditures in the “divorce industry.” Pew Research estimates that economic cost of divorce in the U.S. including lost wealth and legal costs are on the order of $50 billion per year.  Interestingly, according to the National Retail Federation, Americans will spend an estimated $29.1 billion on Valentine’s Day, in 2026.  Thankfully, true love builds an enduring “capital” and stability into relationships—a love that is freely and generously given without thought of return.  This is unconditional love, or (in Greek) agape love.

As we approached Valentine’s Day, 1 Corinthians 13 challenged me as a husband.  For example, I can possess great stores of knowledge but if I am arrogant (v. 4), easily upset, rude, insisting on my rights, and remembering all the wrongs that my beloved commits against me (v. 5), then I’m not agape loving her.  Furthermore, I can have great faith (v. 2), but if I lose hope and stop believing in the person I love (v. 7), then I’m not showing God’s love.  I can even give all my possessions to feed the poor, and deliver my body to be burned (v. 3), but if I am jealous or distrustful of her; or, if I focus on her bad qualities and consider giving up on the one whom I say that I love, then I am surely not showing God’s unconditional love.

When a man and a woman exchange wedding vows, they enter a special relationship God has ordained from the beginning, one that will not reach its potential unless they both continually rely on the bread of God’s Word and His love poured into their hearts by His Holy Spirit (Romans 5: 5).  One Christian leader has said that in creating marriage, God created a relationship which is clearly beyond man’s ability to achieve unless they both respect and heed His loving authority.  When a man and woman cleave to one another and become one flesh in marriage (Genesis 2: 24), they become one in spirit when each one reaches for God’s love, “the glue” for the marriage.

Incidentally, Abby and I would be amiss if we didn't mention how much our son, Bradley, and daughter, Mindy, have meant to us as they have matured in love and marriage with their spouses, Raquel and Steve, respectively.  We are thankful for their love, example, and accountability we experience from them.

God’s manual for married lovers on Valentine’s Day and throughout the year continues in 1 John 4 where we learn that our ultimate source of agape love is from God (v. 7).  Indeed, God is love (v. 8) and God shows His love to us in that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him (v. 9).  Therefore, the wellspring of my love for my wife must be replenished continually by my willingness to abide in God’s love through the Spirit and the Word (v. 12, 16).  In turn, when I love my wife, His love is perfected in me (v. 12).  Amazing!  Challenging!  Possible only in Christ!

Love As ‘Virtue Medicine’
The Scriptures have much more to say about how God fulfills us in mind, body, and spirit through healthy marriage relationships.  [Go HERE for continuation of the 2018 Oikonomia Valentine blog.]  But God’s Word also gives “life” and fulfillment to those who are single, whether or not your goal is to be married; or to those once married that are now single.  Relationships whether or not we are married are more fulfilling because agape love demonstrates its power so clearly that it has been called “virtue medicine.” How is that true?

Consider the wisdom of King Solomon as expressed in the Book of Proverbs.  Several proverbs include Solomon’s repeated references to the relationship between godly virtues and our mental, emotional, and spiritual health.  Consider the following Scriptures, Proverbs 3: 3-4; 20-23 (Amplified Bible, emphasis added):

When I was a son of my father (David)
and the only son in the sight of my mother (Bathsheba),
He taught me and said to me...

My son, pay attention to my words and be willing to learn;

Open your ears to my sayings.

Do not let them escape from your sight;

Keep them in the center of your heart.

For they are life to those who find them,

And healing and health to all their flesh.
Watch over your heart with all diligence,
For from it flow the springs of life.

In contrast, when Solomon’s father (David) was bearing unconfessed sin against God, he described the physical, emotional, and spiritual toll it was taking on his physical and spiritual vitality (Psalm 32: 3-4) (emphasis added):
When I kept silent about my sin,
my body wasted away
Through my groaning all day long.
For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me;
My vitality was drained away
as with the fever heat of summer.

Again, Solomon who had his own struggles with pride and its consequences spoke of the blessing of walking in obedience to God (Proverbs 3: 7-8) (emphasis added):
Do not be wise in your own eyes;
Fear the LORD and turn away from evil.
It will be healing to your body
And refreshment to your bones.

Science of ‘Virtue Medicine’
Makal Albert, a health writer with experience in biomedical research at the University of Maryland, has written that love between individuals produces scientifically measurable physiological and neurological changes.  In his blog, “Love Changes the Heart—More Than Metaphorically” [See HERE.], Mr. Albert wrote,
“Love for others, as research shows, can be intentionally cultivated.  A study in the journal Mental Health, Religion & Culture found that if individuals silently repeat a phrase embodying love and patience, such as “love your neighbor as yourself,” it fosters compassionate love. Additionally, practicing selflessness and performing acts of kindness can strengthen our ability to act from love rather than ego, according to the study.

Makal Albert's blog [See HERE.] cites numerous scientific studies that document the physical and emotional benefits of the expression of love in friendship, marriage, and family relationships.  He also has provided a video on his YouTube channel, The Upgrade, entitled “Your Heart Literally Changes Shape Because of Love” [See HERE.]  In it, Albert describes how love acts as what he calls “virtue medicine” for our body, mind, and spirit.  [We also include a link to this video along with other articles in our February Oikonomia issue.  Free subscription, go HERE.]

There is much we do not understand about both our own life functions and how God’s love influences our vitality and relationships.  But we are learning enough from God’s Word and from scientific studies to realize that reverent fear of the LORD, a delight in His Word, and expressions of unconditional love to God and to our neighbor are healing to [the] body, and refreshment to [our] bones.

We hope this blog has encouraged your walk with God and in your effort to cultivate the fruit of His Spirit in you—i.e. love, joy, peace, patience, and more (Galatians 5: 22-23), and that your Valentines Day weekend will find you giving and receiving much love. 

LOVE: Part 4, Dying to Be Loved, Reborn to Love

The Christmas story may be considered the world’s greatest love story—a “true love story.”  According to the Bible, the Greatest Lover, Immanuel, meaning “God with us,” takes on human form, is born of Mary in Bethlehem, lives a sinless life of obedience to His Father in Heaven, and eventually gives His life as the “Lamb of God” to take away the sins of the world.  Today, as I read, study, and write my fourth article about love, I am struck by the breadth and depth and height of God’s love for people like me.

As we noted in Part 1, the love of God is “What the World Needs Most,” but many are looking for love and purpose in life in the wrong places.  In reality, both unconditional love (agape) and friendship love (phileo) originate from “Out of This World” because love originates in God.  Thankfully, we can love others “Because He First Loved Us.”   In fact, God was loving all of us even while we were still sinners, rebels rejecting His pursuing love. 

Although the Bible defines love in words, God’s greater purpose is to demonstrate His love, especially through the Gift of His Son, Jesus Christ.  Even when Scripture seems to define love, there is action involved.  Romans 5: 8 illustrates God’s love in action (emphasis mine):  But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  From this principle, we learn that our love for God and our neighbor should not simply be in words, but in obedient actions.  John the “Apostle whom Jesus loved” challenges us, My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth (1 John 3: 18).

What should be our response to the love of God through Jesus Christ?  It can be nothing less than a commitment to give up the right to ourselves so that God can take the throne of our lives.  In short, our response to God’s loving pursuit should be repentance.

My Response to God’s Love:  Repentance
When I come and look upon the Cross of Christ, I see the raw, naked exposure of the horrible consequence of my sin.  There, a holy God motivated by His love for me and for the world, yet unable to overlook sin, placed it upon the perfect God-Man, Jesus Christ.  At the Cross, the penalty of my sin was satisfied at an infinite cost to God—the suffering, abandonment, and death of His beloved Son.  Here was death of the just for the unjust, so that He might bring us to God (1 Peter 3: 18).  I can only come to God through faith and repentance. 

Oswald Chambers writes, “The bedrock of Christianity is repentance.  Strictly speaking, a man cannot repent when he chooses; repentance is a gift of God…”  Think of it!  Because we are dead in our sin, we cannot come to repentance on our own.  Nor can we truly repent because we are sorry for our sin; or, because we want to try to live a better life.  Instead, as Chambers adds, “The only explanation of the forgiveness of God and of the unfathomable depth of His forgetting is the Death of Jesus Christ.  Our repentance is merely the outcome (not the cause) of our personal realization of the Atonement which He has worked out for us.”

United in Christ’s Death, Raised in His Likeness:  Atonement
By repentance and confession of sin, we identify with the suffering and death of Christ.  But how do repentance and God’s atonement come about in a person’s life?  The short answer is that God’s Spirit is responsible from beginning to end.  Again, Oswald Chambers explains: “The entrance into the Kingdom is through the panging pains of repentance crashing into a man’s respectable goodness; then the Holy Spirit, Who produces these agonies, begins the formation of the Son of God in the life.”  Chambers describes the true repentance which brings our atonement (think “at-one-ment”) with God as follows:  “Conviction of sin, the marvel of forgiveness, and holiness are so interwoven that it is only the forgiven man who is the holy man, he proves he is forgiven by being the opposite to what he was, by God’s grace.” 

"Then your love for me will be in them, and
I will be in them." - John 17: 26

I do not understand the atonement.  The Apostle Paul illustrates the atoning work of God’s Spirit in terms of our baptism or “submergence” into Christ:   Or have you forgotten that when we were joined with Christ Jesus in baptism, we joined him in his death?  For we died and were buried with Christ by baptism.  And just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glorious power of the Father, now we also may live new lives (Romans 6: 3-4 NLT).  Having been “born again” through the at-one-ment in Christ, the love and power of His Spirit within us compels us to love and follow Him in obedience.  Chambers concludes, “The new life will manifest itself in conscious repentance and unconscious holiness, never the other way about.”

Set Apart, to Abide in His Love: Sanctification
Although we want to consistently obey, God knows that we still live in earthly bodies that bear the marks of the fall of Adam, prone to wander away from Him and His truth.  But if we have died to sin and become united with Christ in His death, we have all the resources of the Triune God who prays for us, loves us, and teaches us through the Word (Romans 8).  Personally, when I read and meditate on Christ’s intercessory prayer to God the Father, in John 17, I can feel the arms of God around me—arms of protection ready to draw me away from evil, and arms of love to welcome me into God’s love.  For example, in one part of Jesus’s prayer, He asks His Father to make us holy, or sanctify us (set us apart), by His Word (emphasis mine): 

They do not belong to this world any more than I do.  Make them holy by your truth; teach them your word, which is truth.  Just as you sent me into the world, I am sending them into the world.  And I give myself as a holy sacrifice for them so they can be made holy by your truth (John 17: 16-19 NLT).

In John 15, Jesus calls those who would follow Him to abide in Him, or “remain in Him.” He said, I am the vine; you are the branches.  If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing (John 15: 5).  This invitation to abide in Jesus is a love-based command to be obedient—i.e. to be a Christ-follower.  It is also an open-arms invitation to join in the loving relationship that has been eternally shared within the fellowship of the Triune God.  Consider this loving invitation in Jesus’s words:  As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you.  Now remain in my love.  If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love.  I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete (John 15: 9-11). 

A Living and Loving Sacrifice, Offered in God’s Temple
I have been thinking much about how the truths of repentance, atonement, and sanctification should affect my day-to-day spiritual walk as a Christ-follower. First, it helps me to remember the Apostle Paul’s strong urging that, in light of the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living (not dead) and holy (not blemished or stained) sacrifice… And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…(Romans 12: 1-2).  Elaborating on the notion of our bodies as a living, holy sacrifice, Paul asks us in 1 Corinthians 6: 19, Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?

My second point in attempting to apply God’s atonement in my life hinges on the first.  If my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit of God, then I should be continually asking myself, “Do I regularly strive to be conscious of the presence of God’s Spirit in the temple of my body?”  I think of it this way:  We have all been in a party or reception where we sensed an absence of the values and behavior that we would consider God-honoring.  If we are Spirit-filled, it’s as if we can sense that the Spirit of God is grieved by what is happening.  Conversely, when we are among fellow Christ-followers, the conversation and values being shared should be uplifting.  If so, there ought to be a bond among us based on our common joy in the love of Christ. 

What is my point?   It is this:  My thoughts, words, and actions should be such that my body and life as God’s temple are a pleasant sanctuary for the Holy Spirit to live within—not like a party or reception with an atmosphere that is godless and grievous to the Holy Spirit.

In summary to this fourth article on real love, God invites us to come to the Cross of Christ as revealed in the Gospels.  There, we stand in awe before this horrible scene of suffering and death where God’s justice was met and satisfied by His mercy and love.  There, God’s Spirit does His work--the conviction of sin in our life that brings repentance and the formation of the Son of God as we are “born again.”  With a new heart and Master, we continually exercise the spiritual disciplines (prayer, time in the Word, fellowship, and service) necessary to maintain our body as a temple of the Holy Spirit.

 Chris Tomlin’s added refrain to the hymn, “When I Survey the Wondrous Cross,” is a fitting prayer of submission and repentance that leads to forgiveness and the embrace of God’s love:

O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross
Bids me come and die and find that I may truly live
O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross
All who gather here by grace draw near and bless
Your name

How About You?  We are all “dying to be loved” whether we realize it or not.  May your response and mine be to die to sin and self-ish-ness, and be renewed in the power of God’s Spirit.  Maybe you have never come to the Cross of Christ in repentance and confession that you are a lost sinner in need of forgiveness of your sin.  If not, may I refer you to Steps to Peace with God which explains how you can become a Christ-follower according to the Bible? Then, you can experience the greatest Gift of Christmas, Immanuel—“God with us.”  God with you!  God in you--through His abiding Holy Spirit.  And, if you have questions, please contact me at silviusj@cedarville.edu

LOVE: Part 2 – It’s “Out of this World”

Brett Kavanaugh and his family with Chief Justice Roberts.

Yesterday, American history and government were at the forefront of U.S. news as Judge Brett Kavanaugh was sworn in to become the newest justice of the U.S. Supreme Court.  But this article is not simply about politics.  It is about what is increasingly absent from politics—and from our culture.  It is about LOVE.  It’s about what Hal David was lamenting about over one-half century ago when he wrote the lyrics to the song, “What the World Needs Now Is Love.”  Last month, in “LOVE: Part 1 - What the World Needs Most,” I responded to Hal David’s lyrics by noting that, according to the Bible, God has provided unlimited love.  The problem is we tend to look for love in the wrong places.

All of us want to be loved, but many enter relationships that end in selfishness, rejection, and abuse.  When we fail to find loving arms to embrace us through thick and thin, we settle for less in a pursuit of love in the wrong places.  For example, when Christine Blasey Ford’s letter alleged that she was sexually assaulted by Brett Kavanaugh, many other hurt people looked to the U.S. Senate to rule against Judge Kavanaugh as a way of bringing an end to their hurt and the hurt of many others.  What the world needs now, is love, sweet love.  But the ultimate source of love is not the U.S. Senate or the U.S. Supreme Court.  In fact, love is not even from this world!

Imagine while you are out hiking that you spot an object with an eerie glow that radiates from what appears to be a machine with many complex parts.  What would you do with this alien-like phenomenon?  Your decision could change your whole life.

This imaginary scenario is not unlike what has happened to many of us who have had a personal, spiritual encounter with God.  We too have discovered something of great value--something that is not from this world.  It is God’s love.  But those of us who have discovered it did not do so because we were smarter, more handsome or beautiful, or more powerful.  In fact, we had heard the word “love” used in so many different contexts that it was humanly impossible for us to find it on our own.  Consider the following examples:

“I just love cherry pie.”
“I love it when I hear that song.”
“From the instant he first saw her, he loved her.”
“If you really loved me, you would/would not….”
“Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15: 13)

“Love” can mean a strong preference for a certain dessert, or an emotional high we experience from music, or the passion that is stirred by physical attraction for the opposite sex.  Love can also be “leverage” to get our own way with another person. 

Thankfully, there is a “greater love” that represents more than a response to our favorite tastes, sounds, or sights; or the passion that motivates us to do selfish things.  The Apostle John defines ‘love’ from God’s perspective:  Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends (John 15: 13).   This love is more than something that brings inner joy or a pleasurable feeling.  The Apostle John reveals that “greater love” becomes evident in the self-sacrificing behavior of a lover toward one who is loved—even to the point of death if necessary.

But where does this “greater love” come from?  Why is it that some people are overflowing with this love while others are very unloving and suspicious of anyone who offers to love them?  According to the Apostle John, this love ultimately comes from God (emphasis mine):

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God (1 John 4: 7).

According to the Bible, love is an integral quality or attribute of God’s character and personal nature.  God’s love is expressed through many of His attributes including mercy, grace, and forgiveness—attributes that cause God to pursue a personal relationship with us earthlings.  God assures us of His great love for us by sending His only Son, Jesus Christ, His greatest “Love Gift,” to die on a Roman cross to purchase us for eternity. 

God’s unselfish, sacrificial love for His creation and for mankind is expressed in the Greco-Christian word, agape.  Jesus explained that God so (agape) loves the world that He gave His only begotten Son [Jesus] that whoever believes in Him should not perish [be separated from God forever] but have everlasting life (John 3: 16).

Jesus and His followers used a second Greek word for love.  The word phileo means “brotherly love,” the generous and affectionate love that seeks to make a dear friend happy with no expectation for the kindness to be returned.   In 1 Samuel 18: 1-3, we see phileo love on display in the friendship of David and Jonathan where we read that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. …then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul.”

A third Greek word for love, eros, refers to the physical attraction that arises from our God-given capacity for romantic and sexual feelings.  Although the word eros does not appear in the Bible, the Scriptures do include very clear teaching about physical love and sexuality between a husband and wife.  The best example is found in a book by Solomon, called “Song of Solomon.”

Both phileo (brotherly love) and agape (sacrificial love) were used to describe the love of the Father for His Son Jesus; and, to describe the love Jesus has for His followers.  In John 3: 35, Jesus declares, “The Father (agape) loves the Son….”  But, in John 5: 20, Jesus is recorded as saying, “The Father (phileo) loves the Son….”  Think about this!  Before the beginning of time, God the Father (phileo) loved His Son Jesus as a “dear friend or brother;” and, the Father (agape) loved the Son, sacrificially and unconditionally.

When the Father sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to Earth, He was sending the very embodiment of agape and phileo love.  Jesus expressed this love as He built relationships with His disciples and others.  The Apostle John under inspiration of the Holy Spirit humbly uses both Greek expressions of love when he describes himself as “the disciple whom Jesus loved” (agape, John 13: 23; phileo, John 20: 2).  Many years later, an aged John wrote, See [Just look!] what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are (1 John 3: 1)!

So far, we have defined love on the basis of the original Greek language from which we received the New Testament.  We have also noted that this love originates from God, not from us.  The Apostle John knew first hand and wrote about this love the Father has lavished on us…(1 John 3: 1).”  This love of God can transform even the most hateful person into a loving person by a total, spiritual change in his or her disposition.  How is this possible?

No one is “made loving” without a responsibility or action on his or her part.  This is because love is a quality of relationship.  Phileo and agape love are only realized between two or more persons.  Because love is from God, when God speaks through His Word and the Person of His Holy Spirit to an unloving, self-centered person, the person must choose whether or not to respond to God’s love.  But how does God’s love actually bring about this transformation? 

Romans 6: 4 states, Therefore we have been buried with Him [Christ] through baptism into death, so that as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life.

When a person responds in faith to God’s “Love Gift” of salvation from sin, he or she surrenders their self-centered life and is “born again” with a new heredity.  He or she is delivered from the penalty of the sin nature and becomes a “child of God” (John 1: 12).  The love that God lavishes upon the child of God ignites their spirit within to respond to God’s Spirit.  The person is drawn to love and obey God—i.e. to become a disciple, or “Christ-follower.”  God’s Spirit, in turn, enables Christ-followers to commune with the Father in Heaven, and to love Him with our whole heart, soul, mind, and strength (Mark 12: 30).   Romans 8: 15 teaches that we have …received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.  This expression is like that of a girl or boy saying “Daddy, Daddy” to their earthly father.  This tender intimacy, formed by shared agape and phileo love, is sustained through regular Scripture-fed, Spirit-led prayer.  In this way, the very life and love of God is nourished in us.

To summarize, in “LOVE: Part 1,” we emphasized that we need to stop looking for love in the wrong places and recognize that there is a “greater, sweeter love” freely given to us by God (1 Corinthians 2: 12).  God’s love comes from “another world” as expressed through the Life of His Son, Jesus.  But unlike the alien machine in our imaginary story, we discover God’s love when we encounter that crudely fashioned, splintery, wooden cross on which Christ gave His life so that He might bring us to God, having been put to death in the flesh, but made alive in the spirit… (1 Peter 3: 18).  There we find the true loving arms of God stretched out to embrace us.  There, we find the true love that cannot be found through politics, government, or social justice movements, important as they may be.

At the cross, we are freed from the curse of sin and embraced by God’s transforming power and love.  Personally, I do not want to forget the warmth and relief I found in God’s love and forgiveness when the Living Christ and His cross became real to me.  In “LOVE: Part 3 - Because He First Loved Us,” we will examine how it is that a Christ-follower becomes both a lover of God and lover of others.

Valentines and a Better Love

Valentine’s Day is upon us.  Are you ready?

I believe I am.  My valentine, Abby, will be in Florida with her sister over Valentine’s Day, so I’ve already written and sent a card which will be followed by a special gift to encourage her for the holiday.

But, before you think I must be a great husband, you should know two things.  First, this year will mark the 51^st Valentine’s Day I have celebrated with Abby.  Yet I’ve never been noted for being very creative and generous on Valentine’s Day and other special occasions.  Second, I hope we all realize that even the most thoughtful and generous monetary expressions are only a small part of the ongoing expressions of our love that are so important to our spouses and significant others.  (You can ask Abby how well I do in between holidays.)

Expressions of human love are measured in a “currency” much above dollars and cents.  As an indication of how hard it is to maintain good marriages and keep wedding vows, consider the annual monetary expenditures in the “divorce industry” which is estimated at $28 billion.  Interestingly, according to the National Retail Federation, Americans will spend an estimated $19.6 billion on Valentine’s Day, in 2018.  Thankfully, true love builds an enduring “capital” and stability into relationships.  Love is based on a “currency” that is freely and generously given without thought of return.  This is unconditional love, or (in Greek) agape love.   

The word “love” in English can mean many things. The Greek language at the time of Christ was included at least six words that are now translated “love” in modern English. The three most common are phileo (love between friends), eros (erotic or sensual love), and agape as we have defined it above.  All of these are gifts of God and all are essential elements that sustain God’s gift of marriage.  Of the three, agape love is the foundation upon which the others depend.   

As we approach Valentine’s Day, 1 Corinthians 13 has been challenging me as a husband.  For example, I can possess great stores of knowledge but if I am arrogant (v. 4), easily upset, rude, insisting on my rights, and remembering all the wrongs that my beloved commits against me (v. 5), then I’m not agape loving her.  Furthermore, I can have great faith (v. 2), but if I lose hope and stop believing in the person I love (v. 7), then I’m not showing God’s love.  I can even give all my possessions to feed the poor, and deliver my body to be burned (v. 3), but if I am jealous or distrustful of her; or, if I focus on her bad qualities and consider giving up on the one whom I say that I love, then I am surely not showing God’s unconditional love.

When a man and a woman exchange wedding vows, they enter a special relationship God has ordained from the beginning, one that will not reach its potential unless they both continually rely on the bread of God’s Word and His love poured into their hearts by His Holy Spirit (Romans 5: 5).  One Christian leader has said that in creating marriage, God created a relationship which is clearly beyond man’s ability to achieve unless they both respect and heed His loving authority.  When a man and woman cleave to one another and become one flesh in marriage (Genesis 2: 24), they become one in spirit when each one reaches for God’s love, “the glue” for the marriage.

God’s manual for married lovers on Valentine’s Day and throughout the year continues in 1 John 4 where we learn that our ultimate source of agape love is from God (v. 7).  Indeed, God is love (v. 8) and God shows His love to us in that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him (v. 9).  Therefore, the wellspring of my love for my wife must be replenished continually by my willingness to abide in God’s love through the Spirit and the Word (v. 12, 16).  In turn, when I love my wife, His love is perfected in me (v. 12).

When God’s love is active and being perfected in me (1 John 4: 12), then I can experience another truth from John’s “love manual;” namely, there is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear.

When the faith and love of one spouse falters, does this free the Christ-following spouse to react in kind?  No!  Instead, when trouble comes, the real uniqueness of a Christian marriage ought to show.  When one or more of the loveless works of the flesh we just noted show up from one or both spouses, each spouse can either react in kind or obey the Scripture.  Obedience for the husband means love your wife as Christ loves the church (Eph. 5: 25) and love her …even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband (Eph. 5: 33).

Christ’s amazing love for us can overcome the loveless works of the flesh that often doom marriages that once were strong.  Specifically, the power of agape love described in 1 Corinthians 13 can help revive troubled marriages when it along with other fruit of the Spirit begins to open the door to good communication between spouses.    Agape love is patient, kind, self-effacing, gracious, doesn’t insist on one’s rights, forgiving and forgetful, enduring, trusting, and truthful.  These love-related traits can bring calmness where there was tension and strife.

Good communication may also require the more spiritually mature spouse to remain silent, even in the face of hurtful, untrue accusations.  In 1 Peter 3, the inspired writer exhorts husbands to live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker (v. 7), not returning evil for evil or insult for insult (v. 9), for …even if you should suffer for the sake of righteousness, you are blessed (v. 14).

The wife or husband who expresses patient, enduring, unconditional love toward his or her spouse when greeted with unwarranted, unloving or disrespectful words or even abuse may suffer in silence with seemingly no one to turn to for comfort.  But we do have One to Whom we can cling; namely, Jesus Who died for sins once for all, the just for the unjust, so that He might bring us to God (1 Peter 3: 18).

From the beginning of His ministry, Jesus was falsely accused, maligned, and abused.  Referring to reports of the virgin birth of Christ, the unbelieving Jewish leaders scoffed, "We were not born of fornication; we have one Father: God" (John 8: 41).  When Jesus professed to be God, His accusers responded, "You have heard the blasphemy…” And they all condemned Him to be deserving of death. Some began to spit at Him, and to blindfold Him, and to beat Him with their fists… (Mark 14: 64-65).   Then, in perhaps the greatest expression of agape love, Jesus Christ allowed Himself to be nailed to a Roman cross to be a spectacle for the world to see.  Yet, He did not open His mouth other than to defend His deity (Isaiah 53: 7).

He was despised, and we did not care.
Yet it was our weaknesses he carried;
it was our sorrows that weighed him down.
And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God,
a punishment for his own sins!
But he was pierced for our rebellion,
crushed for our sins.
He was beaten so we could be whole.
He was whipped so we could be healed.
                                                               -- Isaiah 53: 3b-5 (NLT)

In the world’s greatest misunderstanding, He Who had no sin, became sin for us (2 Corinthians 5: 21); but, His accusers thought He was only getting His just punishment.  Although we are not sinless as Jesus was, He calls us to show His love through sacrifices, too.  Do I love my wife or a significant other person enough to remain silent when love demands it of me--even when my silence may cause others to find fault in me?

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day.  Are you prepared to celebrate the wonder of love for those who are precious to you?  I’m ready to show my love for Abby.  She may have a surprise for me, but I know for sure that she’s made preparation to show our love to our family.  But, when the holiday is over, the love that binds us in our relationships will not depend on our material gifts, physical health, intelligence, or feelings.  It will depend on our faith relationship with the risen Christ.  He gave His very life because He loves us so much.  Then, He ascended to heaven so He could send us His Spirit to enable husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church and gave Himself for her (Ephesians 5: 25); and, to enable wives to respect their husbands out of  the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit which is precious in the sight of God (1 Peter 3: 4).   This Valentine’s Day, may our great love for the “Great Lover” of our souls move us to love our spouses and others after the example of Christ.

"EPILOGUE"
Now, it's Valentine's Day, and I will add these additional words from a writer of a much higher caliber.  There seems to be no other explanation for me finding these this morning  than God directing my hands as I leafed through A. W. Tozer's The Knowledge of the Holy.  He seems to have guided my fingers to Chapter 20, "The Love of God."  As I read this chapter, it was as if God was saying,  "It's not about you, as if you are the source of love, or the source of wisdom on the subject of loving relationships.  Rather, it is about My great love for you, My friend, and how much I desire to have your first love in return.  Here are Tozer's closing words to "The Love of God," offered in a forceful prayer of praise to God:

"Thy love is uncaused and undeserved. Thou art Thyself the reason for the love wherewith we are loved. Help us to believe the intensity, the eternity of the love that has found us. Then love will cast out fear; and our troubled hearts will be at peace, trusting not in what we are but in what Thou has declared Thyself to be. Amen"

Stewardship of Enduring Friendships

One special blessing in this new chapter of life (I’m avoiding the word “retirement”) is realizing that true riches are measured in enduring ‘currency’ more precious than gold which is perishable (1 Peter 1:7).   My “Tribute to a Rich Uncle” highlighted the enduring elements of his true richness– fatherly interest and concern, a listening ear, and an affirmation that my pursuits were worthwhile and important to him.   

More recently, I’ve discovered true riches in the cultivation of enduring friendships.  Telephone, e-mail, and Facebook work well for connecting and staying connected with long-time friends.  However, for me, social media do not provide the glue necessary to sustain relationships beyond the “acquaintance” level.  I agree with the statistics reporting that most people have many acquaintances but only a few close friends.  One of my goals now is to give greater attention to deepening some "old friendships" that have languished over time.  But first, let's consider some biblical teaching on friendship.
 
The New Testament account of Jesus Christ’s relationships with men and women reveals different “levels” of friendship. Here, we find two Greek words most commonly translated “friend.”  The first is hetairos, meaning an “associate” or “companion.”  This denotes a relationship without strong sentiment or close affection.   However, a “dear friend” (philos) is one for whom there is strong affection (Gr. phile).  For a “beloved friend” we purposely ‘do good’ as a result of an ‘affectionate conviction.’  Jesus was involved in both levels of friendship.

When one of the twelve disciples, Judas, approached Jesus to betray Him in the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus said, "Friend (hetairos), do what you have come for (Matt. 26:50)."  But, regarding Lazarus who experienced a fatal illness, Jesus said, "Our friend (philos) Lazarus has fallen asleep; but I go, so that I may awaken him out of sleep (John 11:11)."  The Jewish leaders must have witnessed Jesus’ compassion toward sinners, for they considered Him “a friend (philos) of tax collectors and sinners (Matt. 11: 19).”

 During His 3-year ministry on Earth, the friendship of Jesus and his disciples advanced from the level of acquaintance or association (hetarios) to one of strong affection (phile) and endearment (philos).  After Judas departed from the gathering in the upper room, Jesus expressed the level of His affection toward the remaining disciples as recorded in John 15: 12-15 (NIV):  

“My command is this:  Love (agapao) each other as I have loved you.  Greater love (agape) has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends (philos).  You are my friends (philos) if you do what I command.  I no longer call you servants (doulos), because a servant (doulos) does not know his master's business.  Instead, I have called you friends (philos), for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.”

Note that this deepening relationship was not because God’s love (agape), already infinite and perfect (1 John 4: 8), was deepening over time, but because His followers were growing to love Him more.  I am learning from this study that endearing friendships require agape love which, in turn, is based on faithfulness and commitment, and upon knowledge and communication.

Love is ultimately a gift from God, and apart from His grace, there is neither love nor enduring friendship.  Christ communicated the depth of His love when He foretold that He would lay down His life for His disciples (John 15:13).   In return, the strong and growing affection of Jesus’ followers toward Him is represented by Peter who exclaimed, Lord, …I will lay down my life for You (John 13: 37).  

After comforting and encouraging His disciples concerning His impending death and departure, Jesus explained that love toward Him will be evident by their commitment and obedience as illustrated by the branches of a vine that must faithfully abide in order to bear fruit (John 15: 1-14).

In addition to love and commitment, the deepening friendship between Christ and His disciples was based on knowledge.  In John 15:15, the Savior declares His intent to reveal to them more of those things the Father had made known to Him.  The relationship Jesus was defining is one in which His disciples could know or recognize (as in Gr. oida), more and more of His will and purposes.  Earlier, as recorded in John 10, Jesus used the same word, oida, in the context of sheep that know or recognize the voice of their shepherd and they obediently follow him. 

Today, Jesus invites us into an agape love relationship with Him that deepens according to our commitment when we withhold nothing from Him, even our lives; a friendship in which we learn to recognize and follow His voice through the discipline of prayer and reading of His Word.  This three-fold, love-commitment-knowledge, relationship is what Jesus means when He commands us to Abide in Me, and I in you (John 15:4) so that you can bear much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing (v. 5).  As you abide in me, Jesus says, My person and power through the Holy Spirit will abide in you resulting in much fruit—God’s love, joy, peace, etc. (Galatians 5: 22-23). 

Out of our intimate, abiding relationship with Jesus, He promises, If you ask Me anything in My name, I will do it (John 14: 14).  This relationship is not one in which Jesus poses as the “central bank” and gives us an ATM card for anything we want.  Rather, He is describing what will happen when our beloved friendship with Him, characterized by love and faithful commitment as evidenced by our communion with Him through His written Word and through prayer leads us to ask in prayers that are in harmony with what Christ stands for (i.e. His Name).  The fruit of this level of ‘beloved friendship’ is the servant stewardship God rejoices in.

The servant steward recognizes that he or she is not the vine (John 15: 1).  The true vine is Jesus upon Whom the steward is utterly dependent.  Nor is the steward the Gardener (or Vinedresser, v. 1).  The Gardener is the Father God.  Instead, the steward is a branch of the vine, submissive to the authority of the Gardener.  Yet, the Gardener calls us to be fruitful stewards, or “gardeners” (small “g”) in His image by cultivating friendship relationships as sons and daughters; and, perhaps later, as husbands, wives, parents, teachers, pastors, scientists, lawyers, and government or civic leaders.  Each of these roles ultimately involves the stewardship of friendships that grow out of our abiding friendship with Christ.

The level of friendship possible through God’s love, commitment, and knowledge is not easily achieved—I speak from my own faltering efforts and from my continual need of God’s grace and forgiveness.  My wife is my witness, but she is also my most cherished gift and focus of learning how to be a beloved friend. 

I believe God wants us to view friendship as both the “core responsibility” and the personal side of our larger responsibility to Him as stewards.  The quality of human stewardship rooted in Genesis 1:26-28 and 2:15-25 depends on the quality of relationships, especially friendships, from the very beginning. 

Lloyd and I on a memorable Sunday afternoon in May

In March, Lloyd and I were able to communicate through Facebook, and we agreed to get together sometime this summer. Lloyd was a gracious friend to me at Garaway High School, Sugarcreek, OH.  We met as freshmen in 1961 as a result of a school consolidation.  Our graduating class was to become part of “the class of 1965” much referenced in historical reflections of the “turbulent ‘60’s.”

This summer I have been blessed by occasions to renew my friendship with a high school friend, Lloyd; and, a college friend, Roger.  My relationship to both of these men had been weakly maintained over the years.  Geographic separation and the priorities of our careers and family had made closer friendship impossible.  Thankfully, all of this is beginning to change this summer.

Lloyd was a quiet, handsome, young man who was greatly respected at school for his academic ability and wit.  Like many of our classmates, Lloyd and I were both disciplined in our study habits, most of the time.  However, Lloyd’s circle of friends and acquaintances was much broader than mine because it included football and band.  In spite of this difference, he never deliberately excluded me from that larger circle. Consequently, and as we look back, we see that God used our friendship to sharpen each other academically and socially as “iron sharpens iron” (Proverbs 27:17).

On a Sunday afternoon in Mid-June, I was blessed by a visit from Lloyd.  We spent the afternoon relating to each other our testimonies of how God had worked in each of our lives since high school.  I was amazed at how much there was in common about our spiritual responses to God’s work in our lives.  As a result of that afternoon of fellowship with each other in the conscious presence of God, our friendship was renewed through our common interest in the enduring richness of desiring to know God better and to witness of His grace and truth at work in our lives and future goals.

In the mid-1960’s following our graduation from high school and the enrollment in colleges distant from each other, I had mistakenly allowed our friendship to languish for lack of communication.  The challenge of getting accustomed to residence and classroom settings on a college campus came to me with the necessity of making many new friends.  I am only now realizing what friendship treasures I allowed to go by the wayside as a result of the thrill of a new chapter of life for me.

One of my new college friends was Roger, a man who had been in the armed services.  Being a few years older and wiser, Roger became an important tool of God in my life.  Although Roger’s major was chemistry, and mine was comprehensive science, we had many courses in common.  His maturity and commitment to getting serious about cracking the books was just what I needed to establish good academic commitment.  As our college careers progressed, we were each blessed with relationships with the respective women we would eventually marry; and, we exchanged the honor of being one another’s best man on our respective wedding days.

Roger, Yellow Trillium, and I

Although marriage and our respective professional careers would take its toll on keeping close as friends, one academic area that Roger and I shared in common was botany.  Our common interest in plants continued to be a link that maintained our friendship from a distance over the years.  I was blessed to hear of Roger’s travels across eastern North America to study the plant genus, Trillium.  On several occasions, Abby and I were able to visit Roger and his wife, Margaret, at their home and to see some of Roger’s live plantings of Trilliums, some of which he transplanted from far-away places.

Now that both of us are entering retirement (There, I said it!), we have shared several blessed times together as have our wives.  Communication about common interests and enduring values has deepened our friendship which I treasure greatly.  Roger has demonstrated two qualities that been a blessing to me.  First, he has shown me how to give a gift that would be a blessing to his friend.  When he and Margaret visited us in Wooster in May, Roger unwrapped a gorgeous Yellow Trillium, Trillium luteum, from a population he has maintained in his backyard.  Now, I have this Trillium in our backyard as a growing reminder of our friendship.

Pawpaw Tree with Twist-Tie to Guide Its Growth

Roger has demonstrated a second quality of a good friend; namely, ability to provide candid and edifying counsel over the years.  His example and forthrightness was instrumental in helping me to take seriously my academic, moral, and social responsibilities.  Interestingly, my friend provided an excellent metaphor of his role in my life during the May visit to our home.  When I showed Roger my Pawpaw tree, Asimina triloba, given as a gift as reported in earlier blog entries (Search Oikonomia under “Pawpaw.”), he immediately set about repositioning the stem and branches in relation to my tree stake so that its growth would be enhanced.  I trust that my growth in Christ will be enhanced by a responsiveness to the molding and shaping influence of friends.

As I seek to renew long-term friendships, I am thankful for the inputs of both Lloyd and Roger to my life, and for the reminder that I also have a “stewardship of friendship” responsibility toward them.  May my friendships and those of you the reader be deepened as we have here considered the role of agape love, mutual commitment, and knowledge in our stewardship of these “enduring riches.”