Learning to Know Ourselves: 3. True, Lasting Inclusion

“All who want to come are welcome.”
“We hope you can join us.”
“Everyone received a warm welcome.”
“Now you are one of us.  We love you.”

We.  All.  Everyone.  Us.  Hearing these words is refreshing to the soul, especially when they come to us with an invitation to be included.  We are overjoyed when we are included because we are creatures who need relationships.  We long to be wanted, valued, needed, and accepted.  The blessing of being in a relationship with friends or within marriage, family, church, or other organizations is an essential part of human life. 

"I" Trouble Harms Relationships
Yet forging good relationships and sustaining them is not easy.  We are flawed individuals, prone to the sins of pride, selfishness, narcissism, and greed in the pursuit of prestige, power, and material gain.  All of us tend toward these and other self-exalting sins.  As someone has said, “We have ‘I’ trouble.”  

When a person has ‘I’ trouble, their healthy desire for admiration and respect becomes distorted into an unhealthy notion that “I am” worthy to receive adulation and worship.  This distortion affects self-awareness.  Instead of a modest view of who “I am,” we begin to believe, “I am really somebody!

When individuals with a self-centered perspective enter social relationships, their selfish orientation creates disunity and conflicts.  Conflict is certain between individuals who demand special respect and those who, for whatever reason, rightly or wrongly, do not give special honor to those they deem to be prideful and self-serving.  For example, those who boast of their resume may be offended by the lack of adulation from others who judge people in ways other than by their glowing resume.  Similar conflict may arise when those who view their gender identity as the core of their identity encounter others who simply choose to treat everyone respectfully regardless of gender identity but happen to err by not using gender inclusive pronouns.  [For more on gender identity, go to Part 2 of this series, “The Primary Pronoun.”  Click HERE.]

In view of the current cultural conflicts over the meaning of sexuality, gender, and gender pronouns, the focus of this article is upon what we will call “truly inclusive pronouns.”  These are pronouns that convey a welcome from a higher Source inviting us to be included. Truly inclusive pronouns include All… Whoever… Everyone...  But first, let’s return to our ‘I’ trouble and the most important prescription for correction.

The best cure for “I trouble,” an obsession with self, is for each of us is to work on gaining a healthy self-awareness—i.e. to learn to know “who I am.”  A healthy self-knowledge is a foundation for the social graces necessary to forge meaningful and lasting relationships.  For example, we express “I am” statements when we begin to build a new relationship:
"I am John."
“I am pleased to meet you.”
"I am sorry."
"I am the smartest."
"I am going to do ____ (a promised action)."

Our “I am” statements often reveal how well we know ourselves and how comfortable we are with our personal identity.  These in turn affect our attitude toward others.  Thankfully, we have great news if we are uncomfortable expressing our personal identity. 

Relationship with ‘I AM,” Reveals Who “I am”
As we explained in Part 2 of “Learning to Know Ourselves” [Click HERE to read.), God is continually and clearly revealing His identity through His Word and His creation (Romans 1: 19-20).  He also reveals Himself through His Name, JEHOVAH, or LORD.  The Name LORD is translated, “I AM,” meaning God is the “ever-present, eternally existent One.”

In the Old Testament, Moses asked God what name he should use for the One who was commissioning him to deliver the Israelites from slavery in Egypt.  God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM”; and He said, “Thus you shall say to the sons of Israel, ‘I AM has sent me to you (Exodus 3: 14).’”  Moses’s burning bush encounter began a 40-year relationship with God in which Moses grew to realize his own true identity as a man and as a leader.  Moses gradually learned to declare more boldly “I am who I am” because He was learning to know, obey, and love Jehovah, “I AM.”

In his book, The Gift of Being Yourself:  The Sacred Call to Self-Discovery, David G. Benner wrote [p.27]:

People who have never developed a deep personal knowing of God will be limited in the depth of their personal knowing of themselves.  Failing to know God, they will be unable to know themselves, as God is the only context in which their being makes sense.  Similarly, people who are afraid to look deeply at themselves will of course be equally afraid to look deeply at God.  For such persons, ideas about God provide a substitute for direct experience of God.

Benner then claims that “knowing God and knowing self are interdependent.”   He writes that neither of these can proceed very far without the other.  Paradoxically, we come to know God best not by looking at God exclusively, but by looking at God and then looking at ourselves-- then looking at God, and then again looking at ourselves.   This is also the way we best come to know our selves.  Both God and self are mostly fully known in relationship to each other.

Benner’s claim that “both God and self are mostly fully known in relationship to each other” is worthy of more careful analysis.  First, let us look more closely at God’s Name and character.

God: Always and Forever, “I AM”
Most proper names are nouns but God’s Name, “I AM,” is a form of the verb, “to be.”  God always “has been,” He is now “being,” and He always “will be.”  Past, present, future, God is alive, ever-present, all powerful, all knowing, faithfully loving, and actively sustaining His creation.  As such, God is continually and actively pursuing an intimate relationship with us, inviting us to worship Him who alone is worthy (see John 4: 23-24).  Speaking of God’s name and character, we should make two applications to our walk of faith.

First, if God is all knowing, ever present, perfectly loving, and continually pursuing relationship with us; then, instead of running away in fear or hiding our identity from Him, we ought to run to God with confidence in Him and reverence for Him at the privilege of abiding in His love.  What’s more, because God is perfectly holy and self-sufficient, He doesn’t need us.  But if this claim is true, how would God know the experience of relationships if we didn’t exist?  The answer brings us to our second application.

God taught the children of Israel through Moses that He is “One God” (Deuteronomy 6: 4): “Hear, O Israel! The LORD is our God, the LORD is one!”  God existed in eternity past before there was anyone or anything else.  The very first words of the Bible are, “In the beginning, God…” (Genesis 1: 1).  But if God is One, how can “God alone” have any “experience” in forming relationships?  The answer comes when we study the Scriptures.  There, we learn that God is One, yet He reveals Himself in three Persons in perfect relationship:  Father, Son (Jesus Christ), and Holy Spirit.

God in Three Persons: Perfect Relationship
All the way back to the creation of mankind, the Bible reveals a conversation within the Holy trinity.  Genesis 1: 26a reveals the harmony and purpose of God among the three Persons of the Triune God (emphasis added): “Let Us make man in Our image, after Our likeness….”  The Scriptures elaborate much on the work of each Person of the trinity.

While He was on Earth, Jesus Christ who is God the Son in human form was described as the radiance of [God the Father’s] glory and the exact representation of His nature (Hebrews 1: 3).  There was never a question in Jesus’s mind about His true identity and mission in revealing the nature of His Father.  As God in the flesh, Jesus often expressed Himself with "I am" statements—e.g. “I am the light of the world” (John 9: 5); and, “I am the way, the truth, and the life.  No one comes to the Father but by Me (John 14: 6).” 

There was never any barrier between God the Father and God the Son except when Jesus was bearing our sin on the Cross.  [NOTE: The prior sentence is poorly worded.  See "Comment" below from a reader.] In fact, in His prayer to God the Father, Jesus declares the very definition of eternal life: “And this is eternal life, that they may know Thee, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom Thou hast sent (John 17: 3).”  If we really want to live a meaningful life with meaningful relationships, we must yield in obedient relationship with God and Jesus Christ whom God sent to redeem us.

Of course, the Holy Spirit was involved in every aspect of the relationship and work of the Father and the Son.  Genesis 1: 2 records that early in creation, “…the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.”  The Holy Spirit was also involved in the miraculous conception and birth of Jesus.  When He began His public ministry on Earth, Jesus was “filled with the Holy Spirit (Luke 4: 1),” and the Spirit raised Jesus from the dead as Victor over sin and death (Romans 8: 11).  

Jesus’s ministry from start to finished was empowered by the Spirit so that He could please His Father.  In Jesus, we can see the beauty and unity of spirit that expresses the reality of “One God” in “three Persons.”   It follows that when we walk in fellowship and unity with the Spirit of the Triune God as partakers of the divine, perfect relationship among the three Persons of the godhead, we begin to know ourselves for who we are, and can begin to form more stable and lasting relationships with others. 

We hope this brief discussion of “One God in Three Persons” underscores David G. Benner’s claim that knowing God and knowing “self” are interdependent.  As we unreservedly love and obey God and wisely invest ourselves in relationships with others, we begin to fulfill the joy intended in pronouns like “we,” “us,” and “our.”

The Unity and Joy of “We” and “Us”
We began this article reflecting on the blessing of being wanted and included in relationships; and of hearing the pronouns, We, All, Everyone, and Us.  God created us with personality and to have a personal relationship with Him and with others.  While our culture faces frustration and division over defending gender pronouns, God’s invitation comes to us all with a powerful dose of His love and mercy expressed by the welcoming sound of inclusive pronouns like we, us, and our.  Take a few minutes to read and meditate on the Scriptures below.  Hopefully, you will be exhilarated by God’s Words of loving invitation and challenge (emphasis added to highlight inclusive pronouns):

• God’s Invitation
Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light. – Matthew 11: 28-30

As Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of Man be lifted up; so that whoever believes will in Him have eternal life. – John 3: 14-15

And I, when I am lifted up from the earth [onto the Cross, and to Heaven], will draw everyone to Myself. – John 12: 32

And He put all things in subjection under His feet, and gave Him as head over all things to the church, which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all. – Ephesians 1: 22-23

And this righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no distinction…  - Romans 3: 22

as it is written, “Behold, I am laying in Zion a stone of stumbling, and a rock of offense; and whoever believes in Him will not be put to shame.”   - Romans 9: 33

• Our Desperate Need; God’s Provision
All of us like sheep have gone astray,
   Each of us has turned to his own way;
But the LORD has caused the iniquity of us all
  To fall on Him (Jesus).  – Isaiah 53: 6

What then? Are we better than they? Not at all; for we have already charged that both Jews and Greeks are all under sin; as it is written, “THERE IS NONE RIGHTEOUS, NOT EVEN ONE… - Romans 3: 9-10

And just as it is appointed and destined for all men to die once and after this [comes certain] judgment…  -Hebrews 9: 27

Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter.  – Matthew 7: 21

• Our Necessary Response by Faith
For the Scripture says, “Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame.” For there is no distinction between Jew and Gentile; for the same Lord is Lord of all, bestowing his riches on all who call on him. – Romans 10: 11-12

For “everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” – Romans 10: 13

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.   – 1 John 1: 9

For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.  – Ephesians 2: 8-9

God’s Grace to All-- But Many Refuse It
Hope you have read the Scriptures above and noted the emphasis on the inclusive pronouns, We, All, Everyone, Whoever?   We have presented them in groupings that communicate the Gospel of Salvation—that is, 1) God’s Invitation; 2) Our need and God’s provision; and 3) Our necessary response.  The common theme is that the God is full of goodness, love, and grace; and, He invites all who are willing to come into a saving faith relationship with Him. 
Based on his close relationship with Jehovah God, Moses wrote the following description of God:

‘The LORD is slow to anger and abundant in lovingkindness, forgiving iniquity and transgression; but He will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and the fourth generations.’  - Numbers 14: 18

Although God’s grace extends to all, He is a holy God and “will by no means clear the guilty.”   Jesus said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me.”  The truth is that the joy of inclusion in the “we” of God’s family is available to “everyone” based on a faith response to the Gospel message of the Bible.  But there is also a “not everyone.”  “Not everyone” will respond in faith to God’s invitation to relationship with Him and with Christ-followers. 

The fact that many will reject God’s invitation to salvation raises a major question that has confronted people of faith since before the time of Moses.  What should we do when our faith claims are offensive to those who had once welcomed us into their relationship circle?  The blessed experience of the “we” and “us” relationship is now threatened because they claim “you” believe something objectionable to “me” or “us.”

Christ-followers should acknowledge at the outset that faith comes only by Holy Spirit-led transformation of a person’s heart and mind.  We can graciously plant the seed of the Gospel and water it through the love and kindness of God’s Spirit in us; but only God can redeem a soul (Psalm 49: 7-8).  Depending upon the degree of closeness within the relationship circle, there are at least three approaches from which we could choose:

1)  Avoidance:  Apologize, agree to disagree, and do not speak of your Christian faith again.
2)  Coexistence:  Acknowledge that each other’s truth claims (“my truth” vs. “your truth”) may be equally valid and therefore should not justify causing fractures within the relationship circle.
3)  No Compromise:  Politely explain that the practice of our faith in Christ cannot be isolated from our choices of conversation, stand on moral issues, or participation in social activities.  Option #3 above may be the only choice if we cannot otherwise avoid participation in conversations or social behaviors that are ungodly. 

Option #1 appeals to many people who know much about God and Christianity but choose to dismiss God from their lives and from their relationships.  They may have bitter memories and blame God or His followers for bad experiences they’ve had with professing Christians or in church circles.  Genuine Christ-followers who love God and want to love their friends as Jesus does may choose to remain socially connected.  In place of words that stir controversy, they try to behave as Jesus would.  They understand the heart of the Apostle Paul who said “the love of Christ compelled him” because “God [has] reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5: 14, 18).”  Therefore, we wonder if is it even possible for such a Christ-follower to remain totally “undercover?”

This leaves Option #2 which is often the most difficult.  Relationships that are maintained by an agreement to acknowledge each other’s “truth” may hang on a thin thread.  The result can be an unhealthy compromise that causes us to shirk our responsibility to share the Good News of Christ.  Trevin Wax, in his recent blog, "Live My Truth: The gospel in an age of privatized faith,” warns of the danger [Go HERE to read more]:

Unsurprisingly, people today celebrate the importance of “speaking” or “living” their truth. When someone says, “I need to speak my truth,” he means this: “I need to speak honestly about what I’ve experienced.”  And that’s a good thing.  But in matters pertaining to religion and spirituality, when we surround the word “truth” with adjectives like “my” and “your” and never get around to making a truth claim, we shrink from the biblical imperative to preach the gospel as an objective, publicly accessible truth.  We imply our perspective is only one of many viable options.  …However, true evangelism goes further, announcing the good news that cannot be reduced to personal preference or private spirituality; it confronts the listener with a choice, and that confrontation presents a challenge in sharing the gospel.
 
Where Do You Stand?
In conclusion, all of us must grapple with realizing who we are and develop our personal self-awareness, or our identity.  Learning to know our identity is part of maturing physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  Our personal identity, or “who I am,” will determine how confidently we can move from a focus on the pronoun “I” into the blessings of being welcomed into “we” and “us” of relationships with others.  In the process, we may have to compromise our beliefs to retain our acceptance.  As Trevin Wax noted above, we may encounter people who will say, “You can have your truth.  I have my truth and it works for me.” 

If your relationships with others are based on agreement that “truth is personal” and therefore, “relative,” may we ask you, “Have you come to terms with the truth claims of Jesus Christ, the “I AM” or Jehovah who came to Earth in human form?  The Apostle John called Jesus the LOGOS meaning that Jesus is the embodiment of God’s wisdom and reasoning for the abundant life as He intends us to live (John 1: 1ff).  If you are still honestly seeking your identity and purpose in this life, we invite you to read the Gospel accounts of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John where you can “observe” the life of Jesus who is the very expression of the loving, seeking Father God.  Jesus served His Father all the way to the Cross where He suffered a cruel death but rose again after three days to give us life, hope, and a new identity in Him.

In order to learn more about how you can realize your true identity through a personal relationship with Christ, click HERE to read “Steps to Peace with God,” a Gospel presentation from the Billy Graham Association.  Let us know if we can help via our e-mail:  silviusj@gmail.com.
 
When you think of your own personal identity and how it has been shaped, and continues to be shaped, what thoughts come to mind?  Or, maybe as a Christian, you have struggled with forming social relationships, finding lasting “we” associations without rejection.  Maybe you would like to share your experience, or a question from your reading of this blog.  Just use the “Comment” link below.  Or, you may choose to respond privately via our e-mail:  silviusj@gmail.com.

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