Learning to Know Ourselves: 3. True, Lasting Inclusion

“All who want to come are welcome.”
“We hope you can join us.”
“Everyone received a warm welcome.”
“Now you are one of us.  We love you.”

We.  All.  Everyone.  Us.  Hearing these words is refreshing to the soul, especially when they come to us with an invitation to be included.  We are overjoyed when we are included because we are creatures who need relationships.  We long to be wanted, valued, needed, and accepted.  The blessing of being in a relationship with friends or within marriage, family, church, or other organizations is an essential part of human life. 

"I" Trouble Harms Relationships
Yet forging good relationships and sustaining them is not easy.  We are flawed individuals, prone to the sins of pride, selfishness, narcissism, and greed in the pursuit of prestige, power, and material gain.  All of us tend toward these and other self-exalting sins.  As someone has said, “We have ‘I’ trouble.”  

When a person has ‘I’ trouble, their healthy desire for admiration and respect becomes distorted into an unhealthy notion that “I am” worthy to receive adulation and worship.  This distortion affects self-awareness.  Instead of a modest view of who “I am,” we begin to believe, “I am really somebody!

When individuals with a self-centered perspective enter social relationships, their selfish orientation creates disunity and conflicts.  Conflict is certain between individuals who demand special respect and those who, for whatever reason, rightly or wrongly, do not give special honor to those they deem to be prideful and self-serving.  For example, those who boast of their resume may be offended by the lack of adulation from others who judge people in ways other than by their glowing resume.  Similar conflict may arise when those who view their gender identity as the core of their identity encounter others who simply choose to treat everyone respectfully regardless of gender identity but happen to err by not using gender inclusive pronouns.  [For more on gender identity, go to Part 2 of this series, “The Primary Pronoun.”  Click HERE.]

In view of the current cultural conflicts over the meaning of sexuality, gender, and gender pronouns, the focus of this article is upon what we will call “truly inclusive pronouns.”  These are pronouns that convey a welcome from a higher Source inviting us to be included. Truly inclusive pronouns include All… Whoever… Everyone...  But first, let’s return to our ‘I’ trouble and the most important prescription for correction.

The best cure for “I trouble,” an obsession with self, is for each of us is to work on gaining a healthy self-awareness—i.e. to learn to know “who I am.”  A healthy self-knowledge is a foundation for the social graces necessary to forge meaningful and lasting relationships.  For example, we express “I am” statements when we begin to build a new relationship:
"I am John."
“I am pleased to meet you.”
"I am sorry."
"I am the smartest."
"I am going to do ____ (a promised action)."

Our “I am” statements often reveal how well we know ourselves and how comfortable we are with our personal identity.  These in turn affect our attitude toward others.  Thankfully, we have great news if we are uncomfortable expressing our personal identity. 

Relationship with ‘I AM,” Reveals Who “I am”
As we explained in Part 2 of “Learning to Know Ourselves” [Click HERE to read.), God is continually and clearly revealing His identity through His Word and His creation (Romans 1: 19-20).  He also reveals Himself through His Name, JEHOVAH, or LORD.  The Name LORD is translated, “I AM,” meaning God is the “ever-present, eternally existent One.”

In the Old Testament, Moses asked God what name he should use for the One who was commissioning him to deliver the Israelites from slavery in Egypt.  God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM”; and He said, “Thus you shall say to the sons of Israel, ‘I AM has sent me to you (Exodus 3: 14).’”  Moses’s burning bush encounter began a 40-year relationship with God in which Moses grew to realize his own true identity as a man and as a leader.  Moses gradually learned to declare more boldly “I am who I am” because He was learning to know, obey, and love Jehovah, “I AM.”

In his book, The Gift of Being Yourself:  The Sacred Call to Self-Discovery, David G. Benner wrote [p.27]:

People who have never developed a deep personal knowing of God will be limited in the depth of their personal knowing of themselves.  Failing to know God, they will be unable to know themselves, as God is the only context in which their being makes sense.  Similarly, people who are afraid to look deeply at themselves will of course be equally afraid to look deeply at God.  For such persons, ideas about God provide a substitute for direct experience of God.

Benner then claims that “knowing God and knowing self are interdependent.”   He writes that neither of these can proceed very far without the other.  Paradoxically, we come to know God best not by looking at God exclusively, but by looking at God and then looking at ourselves-- then looking at God, and then again looking at ourselves.   This is also the way we best come to know our selves.  Both God and self are mostly fully known in relationship to each other.

Benner’s claim that “both God and self are mostly fully known in relationship to each other” is worthy of more careful analysis.  First, let us look more closely at God’s Name and character.

God: Always and Forever, “I AM”
Most proper names are nouns but God’s Name, “I AM,” is a form of the verb, “to be.”  God always “has been,” He is now “being,” and He always “will be.”  Past, present, future, God is alive, ever-present, all powerful, all knowing, faithfully loving, and actively sustaining His creation.  As such, God is continually and actively pursuing an intimate relationship with us, inviting us to worship Him who alone is worthy (see John 4: 23-24).  Speaking of God’s name and character, we should make two applications to our walk of faith.

First, if God is all knowing, ever present, perfectly loving, and continually pursuing relationship with us; then, instead of running away in fear or hiding our identity from Him, we ought to run to God with confidence in Him and reverence for Him at the privilege of abiding in His love.  What’s more, because God is perfectly holy and self-sufficient, He doesn’t need us.  But if this claim is true, how would God know the experience of relationships if we didn’t exist?  The answer brings us to our second application.

God taught the children of Israel through Moses that He is “One God” (Deuteronomy 6: 4): “Hear, O Israel! The LORD is our God, the LORD is one!”  God existed in eternity past before there was anyone or anything else.  The very first words of the Bible are, “In the beginning, God…” (Genesis 1: 1).  But if God is One, how can “God alone” have any “experience” in forming relationships?  The answer comes when we study the Scriptures.  There, we learn that God is One, yet He reveals Himself in three Persons in perfect relationship:  Father, Son (Jesus Christ), and Holy Spirit.

God in Three Persons: Perfect Relationship
All the way back to the creation of mankind, the Bible reveals a conversation within the Holy trinity.  Genesis 1: 26a reveals the harmony and purpose of God among the three Persons of the Triune God (emphasis added): “Let Us make man in Our image, after Our likeness….”  The Scriptures elaborate much on the work of each Person of the trinity.

While He was on Earth, Jesus Christ who is God the Son in human form was described as the radiance of [God the Father’s] glory and the exact representation of His nature (Hebrews 1: 3).  There was never a question in Jesus’s mind about His true identity and mission in revealing the nature of His Father.  As God in the flesh, Jesus often expressed Himself with "I am" statements—e.g. “I am the light of the world” (John 9: 5); and, “I am the way, the truth, and the life.  No one comes to the Father but by Me (John 14: 6).” 

There was never any barrier between God the Father and God the Son except when Jesus was bearing our sin on the Cross.  [NOTE: The prior sentence is poorly worded.  See "Comment" below from a reader.] In fact, in His prayer to God the Father, Jesus declares the very definition of eternal life: “And this is eternal life, that they may know Thee, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom Thou hast sent (John 17: 3).”  If we really want to live a meaningful life with meaningful relationships, we must yield in obedient relationship with God and Jesus Christ whom God sent to redeem us.

Of course, the Holy Spirit was involved in every aspect of the relationship and work of the Father and the Son.  Genesis 1: 2 records that early in creation, “…the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.”  The Holy Spirit was also involved in the miraculous conception and birth of Jesus.  When He began His public ministry on Earth, Jesus was “filled with the Holy Spirit (Luke 4: 1),” and the Spirit raised Jesus from the dead as Victor over sin and death (Romans 8: 11).  

Jesus’s ministry from start to finished was empowered by the Spirit so that He could please His Father.  In Jesus, we can see the beauty and unity of spirit that expresses the reality of “One God” in “three Persons.”   It follows that when we walk in fellowship and unity with the Spirit of the Triune God as partakers of the divine, perfect relationship among the three Persons of the godhead, we begin to know ourselves for who we are, and can begin to form more stable and lasting relationships with others. 

We hope this brief discussion of “One God in Three Persons” underscores David G. Benner’s claim that knowing God and knowing “self” are interdependent.  As we unreservedly love and obey God and wisely invest ourselves in relationships with others, we begin to fulfill the joy intended in pronouns like “we,” “us,” and “our.”

The Unity and Joy of “We” and “Us”
We began this article reflecting on the blessing of being wanted and included in relationships; and of hearing the pronouns, We, All, Everyone, and Us.  God created us with personality and to have a personal relationship with Him and with others.  While our culture faces frustration and division over defending gender pronouns, God’s invitation comes to us all with a powerful dose of His love and mercy expressed by the welcoming sound of inclusive pronouns like we, us, and our.  Take a few minutes to read and meditate on the Scriptures below.  Hopefully, you will be exhilarated by God’s Words of loving invitation and challenge (emphasis added to highlight inclusive pronouns):

• God’s Invitation
Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light. – Matthew 11: 28-30

As Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of Man be lifted up; so that whoever believes will in Him have eternal life. – John 3: 14-15

And I, when I am lifted up from the earth [onto the Cross, and to Heaven], will draw everyone to Myself. – John 12: 32

And He put all things in subjection under His feet, and gave Him as head over all things to the church, which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all. – Ephesians 1: 22-23

And this righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no distinction…  - Romans 3: 22

as it is written, “Behold, I am laying in Zion a stone of stumbling, and a rock of offense; and whoever believes in Him will not be put to shame.”   - Romans 9: 33

• Our Desperate Need; God’s Provision
All of us like sheep have gone astray,
   Each of us has turned to his own way;
But the LORD has caused the iniquity of us all
  To fall on Him (Jesus).  – Isaiah 53: 6

What then? Are we better than they? Not at all; for we have already charged that both Jews and Greeks are all under sin; as it is written, “THERE IS NONE RIGHTEOUS, NOT EVEN ONE… - Romans 3: 9-10

And just as it is appointed and destined for all men to die once and after this [comes certain] judgment…  -Hebrews 9: 27

Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter.  – Matthew 7: 21

• Our Necessary Response by Faith
For the Scripture says, “Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame.” For there is no distinction between Jew and Gentile; for the same Lord is Lord of all, bestowing his riches on all who call on him. – Romans 10: 11-12

For “everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” – Romans 10: 13

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.   – 1 John 1: 9

For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.  – Ephesians 2: 8-9

God’s Grace to All-- But Many Refuse It
Hope you have read the Scriptures above and noted the emphasis on the inclusive pronouns, We, All, Everyone, Whoever?   We have presented them in groupings that communicate the Gospel of Salvation—that is, 1) God’s Invitation; 2) Our need and God’s provision; and 3) Our necessary response.  The common theme is that the God is full of goodness, love, and grace; and, He invites all who are willing to come into a saving faith relationship with Him. 
Based on his close relationship with Jehovah God, Moses wrote the following description of God:

‘The LORD is slow to anger and abundant in lovingkindness, forgiving iniquity and transgression; but He will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and the fourth generations.’  - Numbers 14: 18

Although God’s grace extends to all, He is a holy God and “will by no means clear the guilty.”   Jesus said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me.”  The truth is that the joy of inclusion in the “we” of God’s family is available to “everyone” based on a faith response to the Gospel message of the Bible.  But there is also a “not everyone.”  “Not everyone” will respond in faith to God’s invitation to relationship with Him and with Christ-followers. 

The fact that many will reject God’s invitation to salvation raises a major question that has confronted people of faith since before the time of Moses.  What should we do when our faith claims are offensive to those who had once welcomed us into their relationship circle?  The blessed experience of the “we” and “us” relationship is now threatened because they claim “you” believe something objectionable to “me” or “us.”

Christ-followers should acknowledge at the outset that faith comes only by Holy Spirit-led transformation of a person’s heart and mind.  We can graciously plant the seed of the Gospel and water it through the love and kindness of God’s Spirit in us; but only God can redeem a soul (Psalm 49: 7-8).  Depending upon the degree of closeness within the relationship circle, there are at least three approaches from which we could choose:

1)  Avoidance:  Apologize, agree to disagree, and do not speak of your Christian faith again.
2)  Coexistence:  Acknowledge that each other’s truth claims (“my truth” vs. “your truth”) may be equally valid and therefore should not justify causing fractures within the relationship circle.
3)  No Compromise:  Politely explain that the practice of our faith in Christ cannot be isolated from our choices of conversation, stand on moral issues, or participation in social activities.  Option #3 above may be the only choice if we cannot otherwise avoid participation in conversations or social behaviors that are ungodly. 

Option #1 appeals to many people who know much about God and Christianity but choose to dismiss God from their lives and from their relationships.  They may have bitter memories and blame God or His followers for bad experiences they’ve had with professing Christians or in church circles.  Genuine Christ-followers who love God and want to love their friends as Jesus does may choose to remain socially connected.  In place of words that stir controversy, they try to behave as Jesus would.  They understand the heart of the Apostle Paul who said “the love of Christ compelled him” because “God [has] reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5: 14, 18).”  Therefore, we wonder if is it even possible for such a Christ-follower to remain totally “undercover?”

This leaves Option #2 which is often the most difficult.  Relationships that are maintained by an agreement to acknowledge each other’s “truth” may hang on a thin thread.  The result can be an unhealthy compromise that causes us to shirk our responsibility to share the Good News of Christ.  Trevin Wax, in his recent blog, "Live My Truth: The gospel in an age of privatized faith,” warns of the danger [Go HERE to read more]:

Unsurprisingly, people today celebrate the importance of “speaking” or “living” their truth. When someone says, “I need to speak my truth,” he means this: “I need to speak honestly about what I’ve experienced.”  And that’s a good thing.  But in matters pertaining to religion and spirituality, when we surround the word “truth” with adjectives like “my” and “your” and never get around to making a truth claim, we shrink from the biblical imperative to preach the gospel as an objective, publicly accessible truth.  We imply our perspective is only one of many viable options.  …However, true evangelism goes further, announcing the good news that cannot be reduced to personal preference or private spirituality; it confronts the listener with a choice, and that confrontation presents a challenge in sharing the gospel.
 
Where Do You Stand?
In conclusion, all of us must grapple with realizing who we are and develop our personal self-awareness, or our identity.  Learning to know our identity is part of maturing physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  Our personal identity, or “who I am,” will determine how confidently we can move from a focus on the pronoun “I” into the blessings of being welcomed into “we” and “us” of relationships with others.  In the process, we may have to compromise our beliefs to retain our acceptance.  As Trevin Wax noted above, we may encounter people who will say, “You can have your truth.  I have my truth and it works for me.” 

If your relationships with others are based on agreement that “truth is personal” and therefore, “relative,” may we ask you, “Have you come to terms with the truth claims of Jesus Christ, the “I AM” or Jehovah who came to Earth in human form?  The Apostle John called Jesus the LOGOS meaning that Jesus is the embodiment of God’s wisdom and reasoning for the abundant life as He intends us to live (John 1: 1ff).  If you are still honestly seeking your identity and purpose in this life, we invite you to read the Gospel accounts of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John where you can “observe” the life of Jesus who is the very expression of the loving, seeking Father God.  Jesus served His Father all the way to the Cross where He suffered a cruel death but rose again after three days to give us life, hope, and a new identity in Him.

In order to learn more about how you can realize your true identity through a personal relationship with Christ, click HERE to read “Steps to Peace with God,” a Gospel presentation from the Billy Graham Association.  Let us know if we can help via our e-mail:  silviusj@gmail.com.
 
When you think of your own personal identity and how it has been shaped, and continues to be shaped, what thoughts come to mind?  Or, maybe as a Christian, you have struggled with forming social relationships, finding lasting “we” associations without rejection.  Maybe you would like to share your experience, or a question from your reading of this blog.  Just use the “Comment” link below.  Or, you may choose to respond privately via our e-mail:  silviusj@gmail.com.

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Memorial Day Remembrance – 2024

Memorial Day is an invitation to all Americans to pause and remember the sacrifice of  the over 1 million Americans who gave their lives for the cause of freedom.  We especially remember the life of our cousin, Larry Arwood, who was killed in Vietnam, in 1968.  Larry was in the prime of his life and much loved and respected by his family and the community of Sweetwater, TN.

We also remember our uncle, Glen Silvius, who was a survivor among the WW II paratroopers who landed in France during the Normandy invasion, in 1944; and later, in the Battle of the Bulge (December, 1945 to January, 1945). 

My uncle seldom spoke of the horrors of World War II during the 20 some years that I knew him.  But after his death, I had opportunity to read several of the letters which he wrote to his mom and dad, my Grandma and Grandpa Silvius.  Here is an introduction to a letter which he entitled “Something to Forget:”

There are times in the lives of people that incidents occur and one hopes to cherish the happy remembrance of the events.  In times of battle, many of these happy moments are buried or become totally eclipsed by the sight of results from the inhuman work of man.  In any direction you look, the same sights are prevailing, all effort to evade unpleasant scenes are in vain.  In any area where forces have met in organized combat, these scenes are only to be expected.  

The strain of nerves anyone must endure is so great that in time even the person who has some chance to use better than average personal protection must return to places where surrounding conditions are more quiet.  It is not always possible to maintain the proper organization and control of units.  The result of such situations only leads to increase the degree of disaster.  No words will explain this except the famed words of the statesman who said, “Together we stand, separated we perish.”

We also pause to thank God and pray for the thousands of men and women who serve today in various places on Earth away from their loved ones in defense of freedom.  We should also pray for our military chaplains who have an increasingly difficult job of providing spiritual leadership and guidance in the midst of stressful situations no matter where they are serving.  Most of all, let us pray for peace in the many war-torn parts of the world today where whole ethnic groups are being threatened with destruction or being displaced from their homes and way of life.

According to God’s revelation in the Bible, as the time draws nearer for the return of Christ, there will be an increase in “wars and rumors of wars” (Matthew 24: 3-8).  Meanwhile, holidays like Memorial Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter provide opportunities for us to REMEMBER and to REALIZE how much we have to be thankful for, and how important it is that we respond to God’s offer of His Peace through the Cross of Christ.   Our personal peace begins when we repent of our own sin and surrender to the great Peacemaker.  In Christ, we can gain a correct view of past history, a realistic view of our present world, and a positive outlook for the future.

In Colossians 1: 19-20, the Apostle Paul writes, For it was the Father's good pleasure for all the fullness to dwell in Him (Jesus Christ), and through Him to reconcile all things to Himself, having made peace through the blood of His cross; through Him, I say, whether things on earth or things in heaven.

According to the Bible, one day, all wars will cease. The Apostle John wrote in Revelation 21: 4-5a about the future time when Christ’s kingdom will come:  There will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away. And He who sits on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new."

Meanwhile, we REMEMBER, PRAY, GIVE THANKS, and do our part as PEACEMAKERS while we WAIT for Christ’s return or until we are taken to be with Him forever.

Learning to Know Ourselves: 2. The Primary Pronoun

Marsha¹ and her husband Ron have two young adult daughters, Grace and Emily.  Two years ago, Grace informed her parents that she is no longer a “she” but a “they.”  Marsha and Ron were surprised, shocked, and deeply disturbed by Grace’s struggle with her gender identity.  How could this be happening to one of their own daughters?

Heart-wrenching scenarios like this one are becoming more and more common.  Parents who want the best for their children are increasingly challenged when their son or daughter struggles with self-concept especially in regard to their biological sex and gender identity.  Many times, parents are unaware of the peer pressures their child faces at school.  What’s more, school a policy aimed at protecting student privacy can leave parents last to know the extent of their son or daughter’s struggle.  The suddenness with which parents are faced with such problems can easily make them impatient, irrational, judgmental, and angry.

In Part 1 of this series, “Learning to Know Ourselves: 1. Identity” [Click HERE.], we defined some of the terminology of gender identity.  But we also emphasized that knowledge of the terminology, while necessary, is only the beginning of understanding and helping those who struggle with their gender identity.  Knowing the underlying assumptions behind gender identity and transgenderism, and approaching those who struggle with humility and compassion will help us build relationships of understanding.  Therefore, we concluded Part 1 by introducing a biblical basis for addressing the challenges of gender identity.  We will now expand upon that introduction.

Defining “Male” and “Female”
Secular psychology generally defines gender identity based on one’s internal sense of who they are in comparison to current cultural norms that define “male”, “female”, “neither” or “both.”   If the person in question “feels, behaves, and dresses” in a gender-nonconforming way as defined by cultural norms, they should be supported by parents, peers, and others if they decide to become transgender.  The alternative can be gender dysphoria which manifests itself in a frustration that can lead to isolation, despair, and even suicide.

While we should approach gender confusion in an understanding way, we must not ignore an important question: “Who gets to write the social norms that define ‘male’ and ‘female?’”  Secular philosophy believes that anyone questioning their gender identity should have the freedom to decide.  Meanwhile, parents, pastors, and counsellors should have only a secondary role if any role at all.  But many of us resist this wholesale undermining of parental authority.

Does Our Creator Have a Say?
According to Judeo-Christian teaching from the Bible, God is our Creator and Sovereign King.  He appointed mankind to be stewards of His creation, serving in glad obedience to His benevolent commands.  God’s revelation conveys objective truth and it trumps the subjective claims of mankind in all matters, particularly including our sexuality and gender.  Both the Old and New Testaments of the Bible affirm God’s view of sex and gender.   In the Gospel of Matthew, we read Jesus’s words when he quoted from the Old Testament Book of Genesis 1: 27 and 5: 1-2: 
He [God] who created them from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE… (Matthew 19: 4b).

We are humbled when we recognize the challenge we all face beginning from birth-- the challenge of knowing ourselves and discovering our abilities and purpose in this world.  In view of the added pressures of our culture, particularly on our children and adolescents to “discover their identity,” mankind’s subjective ideas are no match for situations like that of Grace whom we introduced above.  However, because God created us, it makes sense that His Word in the Bible can provide a solid framework within which to interpret knowledge gained through biology, psychology, and theology about our body, soul, and spirit. 

Dr. Denny Burk, professor of biblical studies at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary’s Boyce College wrote² (emphasis added): “We must tell the truth about what the Bible teaches about gender. Among other things, the Bible is clear that there is a normative connection between biological sex and gender identity. The “normative connection” that I am speaking of is not defined by the sociological observation that a certain percentage of the population experiences their own gender in a way that conflicts with their biological sex.  That sociological norm knows nothing of the fall and confuses what is with what ought to be. The norm that we must insist on is the norm that is not normed by any other norm [the norm of God’s objective Truth revealed in] Scripture.”

Why Should We Trust Our Creator?
Today many regard the Bible as an out-dated book of harsh restrictions from a God who is aloof and uncaring.  But the God of the Bible is not only loving, holy, wise, and just—but He is good!  He has given His Holy Spirit to be our Helper and Counsellor—no counseling fees attached.  Consider the following line of reasoning based on God’s Word:
1)  Because God is our Creator and knows all about us, and…
2)  …because God is “good,” then…
3)  …why shouldn’t we trust Him to lead us on a path to make our lives more fruitful and more likely to fulfill the purpose for which each of us were born?

Based on the logic above, we believe that a good God loves us and has revealed “good news” about who we are, including our gender identity.  With this foundational claim in mind, let’s return to Grace, the gender non-conforming young lady in our scenario above.  Recall that Grace had informed her parents that she was no longer “she” but “they.”  When her shocked parents, Marsha and Ron, refused to use her new pronouns, Grace was offended like many others who are in gender transition when their choice of pronouns is not respected.  But it didn’t stop there.

The disagreement over Grace’s gender identity broke their family apart.  Grace had already chosen the path marked out by the subjective gender identity norms of our culture.  She had decided to legally change her name and had begun taking testosterone.  When Marsha and Ron expressed concern and said they could not call her by her new name and pronouns, Grace cut off all contact with them.

How then can Marsha and Ron find comfort—the kind of comfort we receive when we bring Scriptural truth to bear on the situation in an empathetic and compassionate way?  If they want this true comfort for themselves and for Grace, we suggest they begin with the most important pronoun of all.

Beginning with the Pronoun “I”
If we are willing to acknowledge that God should have a say about our choice of pronouns, we should begin with the most important pronoun when it comes to our identity.

“I am.”   These two little words have powerful significance when we use them.  They are the first two words that come from our mouth when we strike up a conversation with someone that we meet for the first time.  The conversation might go like this:

Stranger: “Hello.  I am David.  What is your name?”
Your response: “Hi, I am ______ (your given name).”

When we wish to express something important in conversation, beginning our sentences with “I am,” is an important clue to our listeners.  Here are a few examples:

“I am _John_.”
“I am sorry that I ___.”
“I am going to ______.”
“I am planning to ___.”
“I am in love with ____.”

God’s Name:  “I AM”
Speaking of how “I am’s,” signal that important information is coming, many us have thought or said out-loud: 
“I am  not sure who God is or if He even cares about me?_  Amazingly, God responds to our questions and doubts, by revealing His Name through His holy Word in the Bible as follows:
“I am  I AM_.” 
Or, “My Name is I AM.”

God made His Name known to Moses when He invited Moses to lead the captive Israelites from bondage in Egypt.   In Exodus, chapters 3 and 4, we can read the amazing account of Moses’s first of many conversations with God. 

God’s Name, “I AM” in Hebrew is “YAHWEH” which occurs in our Bibles as “LORD” (all upper-case letters).  Whereas, our names are “proper nouns”—e.g.  John and Abby; God’s name, “I AM,” is a combination of the pronoun (“I”) and a verb (“AM”).  “I AM” is an expression of the verb, “to be” from which we get the participle, “being.”  God’s Name conveys the nature and person of who He is.  God has lived and existed (i.e. He has been “being”) throughout eternity!  He is also ever present (omnipresent) and eternally existing into the future.  God, the LORD, is the “eternally existent One.”

Because God’s personal identity is expressed through His Name, “I AM,” we might say that God’s most intimate and important pronoun is “I.”    What’s even more amazing is that our “person-ality” and our identity are inseparably connected to God’s identity.  He created us in His image (Genesis 5: 1b-2).  Therefore, it is fitting when someone asks us who we are that we acknowledge our linkage to God by our answer, “I am.”

I AM Reveals Who I Am
Jonathan Cahn has written eloquently about the intimate relationship between “God’s being” (I AM) and each “human being” (“I am”) created in His image (See sidebars).  Cahn writes that our lives “begin with Him (God) and flow forth from Him.”  According to Psalm 139, God was present before us, oversaw our development within our mother’s womb, knows all about our lives, and numbers our days.  

We invite you to devote some quiet moments to reading, rereading, and meditating (chewing over in your mind) Psalm 139.  Then, use the text box below to consider how intimately God knows you personally.  Note how David responded to God’s intimate knowledge of him.  Why not consider how you ought to respond to God’s intimate knowledge of you and His desire that you know and trust Him?

After reading and meditating on Psalm 139, maybe you cannot relate to David’s response to God.  Maybe you find the Person of God distant, uncaring, and judgmental of you.   You wonder if God really sees you or even cares where you are.  Maybe when you try to imagine a God who reveals Himself as “I AM” -- eternally existent, omnipresent, good, and loving, you fall short because you have never experienced the love and care of a parent or friend.  Instead of being drawn to the Great I AM, you have a host of your own “I am’s”:
“I am not interested in knowing God.”
“I am sick and tired of religion.”
“I am turning my back on a God who abandoned me when I needed Him.”
“I am a rejected man/woman, beyond even God’s power to restore me.”

Let’s return to the account of Grace and her parents, Marsha and Ron.  It wasn’t long before Grace underwent a double mastectomy and legally changed her name to “Hardin.”  She now allows only limited contact with her parents, even as Ron battles cancer.  Her parents and her sister Emily are heartbroken, but they have turned to God and to supportive members of their church.  Through this trial, they are finding Peace and Joy as God promises (James 1: 2-8).

Ron, Marsha, and Emily are beginning to realize it is Grace’s choice to ignore and reject God.   They also understand that it is wrong to simply accept the blame for their daughter’s choices.  There are many factors at work to influence human decisions and behavior.  All they know for sure is that God loves Grace, and He loves them.  According to John 3: 16, God loves the world so much that He gave His unique, eternal Son, Jesus Christ so that whoever believes in Him should not perish (be forever separated from the presence of God) but have everlasting life.  God so much wants us to know Him that He came in the flesh as Jesus Christ.

Come to “I AM” to Realize Your “I am.”
While on Earth, Jesus repeatedly used the same two words that represent His Father’s Name --“I AM.”  Each of His “I AM’s” reveal something of God’s identity, and are meant to help us realize our identity in Christ.  Consider each of the “I AM’s” spoken by Jesus as listed in the adjacent illustration.  What better way to realize our identity, including our gender identity, than to humbly turn our lives over to the God who created mankind and knows our deepest needs?  

God is not willing that any should fall short of His plan and purpose for us or to perish without knowing Him personally (Matthew 8: 14; John 3: 16). Through Jesus’s perfect Life, the God of Heaven showed us His character and virtues.  God also provides a way for us to kneel before His throne to confess our sins and to turn from them in repentance and firm resolve (1 John 1: 8-10).  In turn, God forgives and cleanses us from sin by the shed blood Jesus gave when He died on His cross for us (Romans 6: 23; 2 Corinthians 5: 17-21; Titus 3: 5). 

As you have read this blog and the account of Grace and her family’s struggle, maybe your heart goes out to all of them.  You may ask how anyone can resist God’s love, His offer of Eternal Life in Heaven, and a fruitful life while we live on Earth.  But there are two things we must remember. 

First, God’s Word says that “all have sinned (rebelled) and all fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3: 23).”  As children of Adam and Eve who rebelled against God’s Word in the Garden of Eden, we have the same flesh and DNA, having inherited the same sin nature.  We inherited the same traits of human pride, selfishness, covetousness, immorality, and hate to name a few.  All of these drive us to declare “I am first!  I am the best!  I am entitled!  I am who I choose to be, etc.  Can you relate?

Second, we have an Enemy, named Satan who is a liar, murderer and ,deceiver as Jesus described in John 8: 42-47.  Satan tempts us to exert what our flesh already wants – “I am first, etc.  Someone has said, “Satan knows our name but calls us by our sin; Jesus knows our sin, died in our place, and calls us by our name to come unto Him.”  Satan is now at work as “the god of this world” to place a veil over our hearts and minds so that we are blinded and cannot “see the light of the Gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God (2 Corinthians 4: 3-4).”  Satan does not want us to know God or His loving message of the Gospel to us.  But still, God’s Spirit uses the Gospel to open our eyes to our true identity in Christ—created in God’s image, male and female; and unconfused as to our purpose, gender identity, and great value in God’s eyes.

Will “Hardin” Find Grace?
We may never know how the life of “Hardin” will end.  Will she respond to God’s love and grace, and rediscover the Grace and identity of the person she was created to be?  Or will “Hardin” end up like so many who are suffering the consequences of hormonal and/or surgical alterations of their bodies. 

Subscribers (free) to our monthly Oikonomia e-mail package will receive links to personal accounts and examples of how transgender males and females have found God’s grace, forgiveness, and wholeness.  Here we offer two examples, one taken from the Bible account of Mary Magdalene when she encountered Jesus, and one from a true-story account of how an adolescent realized her identity in Christ as portrayed in a movie:

•  Mary Magdalene meets Jesus (The Chosen, Season 1, Episode 1): 
   “Mary, I have called you by name; I have redeemed you.  You are mine.”   Watch video HERE.

•  Hannah finds her identity when she turns to the One who created her.   Hannah wrote on paper (see movie poster above):
“I am Chosen!  I am Blessed!  I am Loved!”  Movie :  Overcomer.  Watch trailer HERE.

May We Ask You?
When you think of your own personal identity and how it has been shaped, and continues to be shaped, what thoughts come to mind?  Maybe you would like to share your response or a question from your reading of this blog via the “Comment” link below.  You may choose to respond privately via our e-mail:  silviusj@gmail.com.

If you are struggling with your sense of direction, purpose, or identity in life, consider Jesus’s claim recorded in the Bible, John 14: 6, ”I am the Way and the Truth” and He invites us to “Come unto Me, all of you who are heavy laden and I will give you rest…for my yoke is easy and my burden is light” compared to the one you are carrying (Matthew 11: 28-30).

In order to learn more about how you can realize your true identity through a personal relationship with Christ, click HERE to read “Steps to Peace with God,” a Gospel presentation from the Billy Graham Association.  Let us know if we can help via our e-mail:  silviusj@gmail.com.

Helpful Resources on Gender Identity:
1. “Training Our Kids in a Culture That Affirms Transgenderism.” Denny Burk,
     PhD, professor of biblical studies at Boyce College, Southern Baptist
     Theological Seminary. His Blog is HERE.

2.  The Nashville Statement is a “declaration of biblical truth and moral conviction
      on human sexuality and identity.”  Go HERE.
 
3.  Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Convention. 
     Go HERE.

4.  The Person and Identity Project offers formation, workshops, and pastoral
      guidance on gender identity and the dignity of the human person from a
      Catholic perspective:
      Video Introduction -- Go HERE.
      Introduction to Resources Provided -- Go HERE.
      Resources for Detransitioners -- Go HERE.

5.  “Reflections at Age Seventy-Five,”  Oikonomia,  May 9, 2022   Go HERE
       to read a personal account of how our worldview and personal identity are
       shaped by biology, family, faith, etc.

6.  “Where Does the Power Come From? - Part 2,”  Oikonomia, Sept. 20, 2019 
       Go HERE to read how regular study of God’s Word with the aid of His Spirit
       affirms God’s love and plan for us and transforms us more into the image of
       Christ.

Footnotes:
¹ The account of Marsha, Ron, and Grace, with names changed for confidentiality, is based on an actual account reported in “Keeping the Faith,” by Leigh Jones, October 5, 2023 WORLD Magazine.  Go HERE to read.

² “Training Our Kids in a Culture That Affirms Transgenderism.”  Denny Burk, Crossway website.  August 03, 2019.  Go HERE to read.

³ Jonathan Cahn, The Book of Mysteries.  FrontLine, 2016. Lake Mary, FL.  Our emphasis added to quotes.

Learning to Know Ourselves: 1. Identity

Recently, we watched an episode of “The Magic Prank Show" on Netflix.  This series featured Justin Willman and his crew who "pull elaborate pranks on unsuspecting targets to help real people get payback."  In this particular episode, the aim was to help two brothers by helping one brother give a payback lesson the other brother for prematurely revealing that he was gay. 

Willman and crew set about learning all they could about the “outing brother” by interviewing the “avenging brother.” The interview soon revealed that the outing brother was terrified of robots and AI (artificial intelligence).  Armed with this knowledge, Willman’s crew unleashed the full force of the payback upon the outing brother.  They brought him face-to-face with Justin Hillman who, of all things, played a very convincing “human robot,” making the encounter very terrifying.  Imagine the emotions of the victim when he faced his greatest fear; and on top of that, a robot, who revealed to the outing brother knowledge of his deep, dark secrets.

Imagine how you would feel if you encountered a “being” who knew all about you.  Upon recovering from the initial shock, you might ask yourself,
“Does this someone or something have good or evil intentions?” 
“Can I trust this all-knowing “being” who knows all about my relationships, account numbers, and personal secrets?

Then, suddenly you feel convicted: 
“How well do I know myself?”
“Does this robot know me better than I do?”

Finally, your logic converges on an interesting notion:
1)  “If this robot knows all about me, and
2)  “If this robot is “good,” then
3)  “Why shouldn’t I trust Him to lead me on a path to a more fruitful life; a life more likely to fulfill the purpose for which I was born?  After all, what better counsellor is there than one who knows all about me, has only good intentions for me, and is willing to help me? 

Wouldn’t you agree?   Now, please read on and hold your initial thoughts for later.

What Shapes Our Identity?
When we wonder how well we know ourselves in relation to what others know and think about us, we enter the realm of our personal identity.  Our identity is defined by our family, friends, life history, values, interests, preferences, and traits.  Our identity as individuals is expressed through our behavior, wardrobe, and communication. 

In an earlier blog, entitled “Reflections at Age Seventy-five” (Click HERE), we considered some basic influences and ways our identity is shaped, including our worldview [Click HERE.].  Who we are and are becoming is shaped by both genetic (hereditary) and environmental factors —e.g. cultural influences through the institutions of family, school, church; and influences of the economy, politics, media, the arts, and entertainment.

A more straightforward example of how heredity and environment interact relates to our adult stature and overall health.  As most of us know, our height, weight, and overall health are all influenced by both our heredity and our nutrition (health care and hygiene, especially during early development).  A much more complex example is the matter of how heredity and environment interact to influence how our biological sex and gender are determined.  This blog and Part 2 to follow will address the important topic of gender identity and expression.

Biological Sex and Gender Identity
Our biological sex is generally assigned at birth and is typically identified by three anatomical (physical) distinctions as follows: 
1) gamete type (female = eggs; male = sperm);
2) gonad type (female = ovaries; male = testes;
intersex = part ovary-part testis); and,
3) chromosomal inheritance (female = XX; male = XY; intersex = when the SRY gene (“Sex-determining Region Y” gene) is translocated or deleted; or mutation of the AR (androgen receptor) gene on the X-chromosome which influences sex hormone balance (e.g. estrogen <> progesterone). 

According to gender theory, biological sex which is based on anatomy differs in meaning from gender which is based on one’s attitudes, feelings, and behaviors.  The American Psychological Association (APA) defines gender as the “attitudes, feelings, and behaviors that a given culture associates with a person’s biological sex.”  A person is considered either gender-normative or gender-nonconforming based on whether or not the person’s behavior is viewed as compatible or incompatible, respectively, with the cultural norms for that person’s biological sex.  

Having defined gender, we can understand that gender identity is one’s internal sense of who they are with respect to their concept of male, female, neither or both as defined by cultural norms.   In other words, one’s perceived sex is based on performance (e.g. behavior, clothing, cosmetics) that society expects from those it designates as “man,” “woman,” or “nonbinary.”  A person whose gender identity differs from (or is “across from”) their assigned biological sex at birth is considered transgender (or trans).  Cisgender describes persons whose gender identity aligns with the sex they were assigned at birth.  So-called gender dysphoria is the psychological distress a person experiences when they sense a discrepancy between their gender identity and their biological sex assigned at birth.

Those who accept the claims of gender ideology as noted above generally accept that gender (behavioral role, performance) is not always coupled to one’s biological sex (anatomy).  But this claim needs further examination.  To understand why, we need to define another biological term—epigenetics. 

Epigenetics [(epi = “on top of”) + (genetics = “pertaining to genes, genetic variation, heredity”)] is a relatively new field which studies how behavior and environment cause changes that promote or suppress the expression of our genes.  Epigenetic research reveals that two people having the same gene or genes can differ in appearance and/or behavior when the environment of one person triggers difference(s) in gene expression.  In other words, our DNA (genes) inherited from our biological parents only partly influences our physical traits and behaviors.  This is true because environmental factors are constantly operating “on top of our genes” to determine how and when those genes can be expressed to influence our metabolism, hormones, etc.

Can Gender Be Uncoupled from Sex?
Returning to the gender ideology that claims gender is uncoupled from biological sex, we see that epigenetics disagrees.  Research reveals that individuals who respond to social influences leading them to choose to adopt a transgender identity and then express their identity in a trans lifestyle may experience an “epigenetic imprint” on their brains as a result of their transgender behavior.  This imprint in turn, influences the person’s neuro-hormonal physiology which consequently influences the individual’s biological sexual expression.  That is, our thoughts, choices, behaviors, and other factors associated with gender expression can produce real, physical, neurological imprints or changes in our brains; and therefore, how we think about ourselves and behave.  This relationship has major implications which we will expand upon later.  But first, consider a simpler example of epigenetic imprinting.

Epigenetic imprinting has been shown to occur in numerous ways when chemicals from the environment enter the human body.  Related to our discussion of gender identity, research has shown that certain chemical ingredients of cosmetics can exert an epigenetic imprint on the brain.  This imprint can in turn affect one’s sexuality through hormonal and physiological changes.  It is therefore possible that transgender expression in a trans male could combine with the person’s use of cosmetics to further drive trans behavior and identity.

In order to apply the above concepts, consider how growing up in a dysfunctional home can influence the gender identity of a child.  The child is deprived of the loving nurture of a father or a mother, doesn’t receive proper nutrition or health care, and experiences rejection by peers.  These unfortunate stressors are called adverse childhood experiences (ACE’s; Click HERE to read more.).  ACE’s can among other things, increase the likelihood that the child will question their identity, including their gender identity.

If the child chooses to become transgender, the internal patterns of thought associated with the new gender identity may give way to gender expression.  As the child outwardly performs his or her gender role via behavior, clothing, cosmetics, and voice, these behaviors can cause epigenetic imprints upon the child’s brain.  Epigenetic imprints represent changes in thoughts reinforce and reaffirm the child's transgender mindset and behavior.  n turn, the child may seek to undergo hormone therapy or gender confirmation surgery.  We can hope that this child and many like him or her will first be willing to seek and receive wise counsel.  [Note that this scenario is given as an example while hopefully avoiding our being overly simplistic.]

Considerations - Before Gender Affirming Treatment
Two considerations should be entertained by children, adolescents, and adults in regard to gender identity.  First, each candidate for gender affirming treatment should be informed of the risk and potential negative medical, emotional, and social consequences.  For instance, a recent article in Lancet: Child and Adolescent Health (Malone et al (2021) concludes that “There is growing acknowledgment worldwide that the practice of providing gender-affirming care for youth is far from settled science.” Read more, HERE.

Second, as we have noted, personal identity is a complex, multi-faceted component of personhood.  Therefore, gender alteration involves more than reshaping the physical body by the surgeon’s scalpel or by hormone treatments.  Humans are also comprised of soul and spirit which can be positively or negatively affected by these treatments.  More on this subject in Part 2.

Ultimately, we must ask the question, “Who gets to define the social norms for what is “male” and “female?”  And, “Is there an Authority that exists above these human definitions—One who knows more about biology, psychology, and theology, or body, soul, and spirit than any of us know?”  In our judgment, this Authority is the God of the Bible who reveals Himself as our Creator, Helper, and Counsellor.  He is all-powerful, all-knowing, and everywhere-present through His Spirit.

Returning to our analogy of the all-knowing AI-robot featured in our introduction, by faith, we believe that our Almighty God meets the requirements of One who is worthy of our attention and obedience in matters of body, soul, and spirit.  This is because His Word in the Bible affirms the following line of reasoning:
1)  Because God is our Creator and knows all about us, and…
2)  …because God is “good,” then…
3)  …why shouldn’t I trust Him to lead me on a path to make my life more fruitful and more likely to fulfill the purpose for which I was born?

Recap.  And What Comes Next?
Thank you for reading and thinking through these complex issues with us.  So far, we have defined some of the terminology of gender identity.  But we must realize that knowledge of the terminology, while necessary is not the same as understanding and helping those who struggle with their gender identity.  We must understand with humility and compassion the underlying assumptions behind gender identity and transgenderism.  By understanding these concepts and engaging with those struggling with gender identity with compassion we are better prepared to build relationships of understanding.

We are humbled when we recognize the challenge all of us face, beginning from our birth: the challenge of knowing ourselves and discovering our abilities and purpose in the world around us.  The pursuit of personal identity has gotten even more challenging in recent years with the growing cultural pressures particularly on children and adolescents to “discover their identity.”  In Part 2 of “Knowing as We Are Known,” we will attempt to focus the Light of God’s Word upon the issues of our biological sex, gender identity, and gender affirming strategies.
  
May We Ask You?
When you think of your own personal identity and how it has been shaped, and continues to be shaped, what thoughts come to mind?  Maybe you would like to share your response or a question from your reading of this blog via the “Comment” link below.  You may choose to respond privately via our e-mail:  silviusj@gmail.com. 

Personal Meditation:  The Word of God in Scripture affirms God’s loving character and counsel to you and to all of us throughout its pages.  Our favorite passage of Scripture that speaks to His intimate knowledge of each one of us is Psalm 139.  We urge you to read this very personal revelation from God and written by a Hebrew shepherd, musician, poet, warrior, and king whose name was David.

Additional Reading:
A Guide To Gender Identity Terms, Laurel Wamsley, NPR.  June 2, 2021.  Click HERE.

Does Gender Leave an Epigenetic Imprint on the Brain?  L.R. Cortes, et al.  Frontiers in Neuroscience, 26 February 2019.  Click HERE.

What is Epigenetics?  Center for Disease Control.  Click HERE.

Coronavirus Resistance:  Biological and Spiritual.  Oikonomia, March 22, 2020.  Click HERE.

Key Terms and Concepts in Understanding Gender Diversity and Sexual Orientation Among Students. American Psychological Association Divisions 16 and 44.  2015.  Click HERE.

Puberty Blockers for Gender Dysphoria: The Science Is Far From Settled.  Malone, et al.  2021.
Lancet:  Child and Adolescent Health  Click HERE.

Sexuality vs. Gender: What's the Difference?  Cynthia Vinney, Verywellmind.  April 18, 2024
Click HERE.