Valentines and a Better Love

Valentine’s Day is upon us.  Are you ready?

I believe I am.  My valentine, Abby, will be in Florida with her sister over Valentine’s Day, so I’ve already written and sent a card which will be followed by a special gift to encourage her for the holiday.

But, before you think I must be a great husband, you should know two things.  First, this year will mark the 51^st Valentine’s Day I have celebrated with Abby.  Yet I’ve never been noted for being very creative and generous on Valentine’s Day and other special occasions.  Second, I hope we all realize that even the most thoughtful and generous monetary expressions are only a small part of the ongoing expressions of our love that are so important to our spouses and significant others.  (You can ask Abby how well I do in between holidays.)

Expressions of human love are measured in a “currency” much above dollars and cents.  As an indication of how hard it is to maintain good marriages and keep wedding vows, consider the annual monetary expenditures in the “divorce industry” which is estimated at $28 billion.  Interestingly, according to the National Retail Federation, Americans will spend an estimated $19.6 billion on Valentine’s Day, in 2018.  Thankfully, true love builds an enduring “capital” and stability into relationships.  Love is based on a “currency” that is freely and generously given without thought of return.  This is unconditional love, or (in Greek) agape love.   

The word “love” in English can mean many things. The Greek language at the time of Christ was included at least six words that are now translated “love” in modern English. The three most common are phileo (love between friends), eros (erotic or sensual love), and agape as we have defined it above.  All of these are gifts of God and all are essential elements that sustain God’s gift of marriage.  Of the three, agape love is the foundation upon which the others depend.   

As we approach Valentine’s Day, 1 Corinthians 13 has been challenging me as a husband.  For example, I can possess great stores of knowledge but if I am arrogant (v. 4), easily upset, rude, insisting on my rights, and remembering all the wrongs that my beloved commits against me (v. 5), then I’m not agape loving her.  Furthermore, I can have great faith (v. 2), but if I lose hope and stop believing in the person I love (v. 7), then I’m not showing God’s love.  I can even give all my possessions to feed the poor, and deliver my body to be burned (v. 3), but if I am jealous or distrustful of her; or, if I focus on her bad qualities and consider giving up on the one whom I say that I love, then I am surely not showing God’s unconditional love.

When a man and a woman exchange wedding vows, they enter a special relationship God has ordained from the beginning, one that will not reach its potential unless they both continually rely on the bread of God’s Word and His love poured into their hearts by His Holy Spirit (Romans 5: 5).  One Christian leader has said that in creating marriage, God created a relationship which is clearly beyond man’s ability to achieve unless they both respect and heed His loving authority.  When a man and woman cleave to one another and become one flesh in marriage (Genesis 2: 24), they become one in spirit when each one reaches for God’s love, “the glue” for the marriage.

God’s manual for married lovers on Valentine’s Day and throughout the year continues in 1 John 4 where we learn that our ultimate source of agape love is from God (v. 7).  Indeed, God is love (v. 8) and God shows His love to us in that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him (v. 9).  Therefore, the wellspring of my love for my wife must be replenished continually by my willingness to abide in God’s love through the Spirit and the Word (v. 12, 16).  In turn, when I love my wife, His love is perfected in me (v. 12).

When God’s love is active and being perfected in me (1 John 4: 12), then I can experience another truth from John’s “love manual;” namely, there is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear.

When the faith and love of one spouse falters, does this free the Christ-following spouse to react in kind?  No!  Instead, when trouble comes, the real uniqueness of a Christian marriage ought to show.  When one or more of the loveless works of the flesh we just noted show up from one or both spouses, each spouse can either react in kind or obey the Scripture.  Obedience for the husband means love your wife as Christ loves the church (Eph. 5: 25) and love her …even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband (Eph. 5: 33).

Christ’s amazing love for us can overcome the loveless works of the flesh that often doom marriages that once were strong.  Specifically, the power of agape love described in 1 Corinthians 13 can help revive troubled marriages when it along with other fruit of the Spirit begins to open the door to good communication between spouses.    Agape love is patient, kind, self-effacing, gracious, doesn’t insist on one’s rights, forgiving and forgetful, enduring, trusting, and truthful.  These love-related traits can bring calmness where there was tension and strife.

Good communication may also require the more spiritually mature spouse to remain silent, even in the face of hurtful, untrue accusations.  In 1 Peter 3, the inspired writer exhorts husbands to live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker (v. 7), not returning evil for evil or insult for insult (v. 9), for …even if you should suffer for the sake of righteousness, you are blessed (v. 14).

The wife or husband who expresses patient, enduring, unconditional love toward his or her spouse when greeted with unwarranted, unloving or disrespectful words or even abuse may suffer in silence with seemingly no one to turn to for comfort.  But we do have One to Whom we can cling; namely, Jesus Who died for sins once for all, the just for the unjust, so that He might bring us to God (1 Peter 3: 18).

From the beginning of His ministry, Jesus was falsely accused, maligned, and abused.  Referring to reports of the virgin birth of Christ, the unbelieving Jewish leaders scoffed, "We were not born of fornication; we have one Father: God" (John 8: 41).  When Jesus professed to be God, His accusers responded, "You have heard the blasphemy…” And they all condemned Him to be deserving of death. Some began to spit at Him, and to blindfold Him, and to beat Him with their fists… (Mark 14: 64-65).   Then, in perhaps the greatest expression of agape love, Jesus Christ allowed Himself to be nailed to a Roman cross to be a spectacle for the world to see.  Yet, He did not open His mouth other than to defend His deity (Isaiah 53: 7).

He was despised, and we did not care.
Yet it was our weaknesses he carried;
it was our sorrows that weighed him down.
And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God,
a punishment for his own sins!
But he was pierced for our rebellion,
crushed for our sins.
He was beaten so we could be whole.
He was whipped so we could be healed.
                                                               -- Isaiah 53: 3b-5 (NLT)

In the world’s greatest misunderstanding, He Who had no sin, became sin for us (2 Corinthians 5: 21); but, His accusers thought He was only getting His just punishment.  Although we are not sinless as Jesus was, He calls us to show His love through sacrifices, too.  Do I love my wife or a significant other person enough to remain silent when love demands it of me--even when my silence may cause others to find fault in me?

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day.  Are you prepared to celebrate the wonder of love for those who are precious to you?  I’m ready to show my love for Abby.  She may have a surprise for me, but I know for sure that she’s made preparation to show our love to our family.  But, when the holiday is over, the love that binds us in our relationships will not depend on our material gifts, physical health, intelligence, or feelings.  It will depend on our faith relationship with the risen Christ.  He gave His very life because He loves us so much.  Then, He ascended to heaven so He could send us His Spirit to enable husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church and gave Himself for her (Ephesians 5: 25); and, to enable wives to respect their husbands out of  the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit which is precious in the sight of God (1 Peter 3: 4).   This Valentine’s Day, may our great love for the “Great Lover” of our souls move us to love our spouses and others after the example of Christ.

"EPILOGUE"
Now, it's Valentine's Day, and I will add these additional words from a writer of a much higher caliber.  There seems to be no other explanation for me finding these this morning  than God directing my hands as I leafed through A. W. Tozer's The Knowledge of the Holy.  He seems to have guided my fingers to Chapter 20, "The Love of God."  As I read this chapter, it was as if God was saying,  "It's not about you, as if you are the source of love, or the source of wisdom on the subject of loving relationships.  Rather, it is about My great love for you, My friend, and how much I desire to have your first love in return.  Here are Tozer's closing words to "The Love of God," offered in a forceful prayer of praise to God:

"Thy love is uncaused and undeserved. Thou art Thyself the reason for the love wherewith we are loved. Help us to believe the intensity, the eternity of the love that has found us. Then love will cast out fear; and our troubled hearts will be at peace, trusting not in what we are but in what Thou has declared Thyself to be. Amen"