I haven't read Lythcot-Haims’ book.
However, a review of the book by Paul Bonicelli in
The Federalist, entitled The
College Kids Are Not All Right, presents Lythcot-Haims’ thesis and adds
an important context beyond simply implicating parents. Bonicelli attributes the problems of the millennial
generation to the deterioration of the framework of moral and ethical teaching
in the home and the lack of reinforcement of lessons of the home by the child’s
elementary and secondary school, church, and community.
As readers of Oikonomia
will realize, I have been emphasizing the important role of the “traditional
family,” church, school, and community in the rearing of young men and women
with godly character. See “Learning
How to Respect and Exercise Authority” and additional links below. Knowing my thesis, you might say that I am
guilty of highlighting a book with which I agree. And you are right; but, allow me to quote a
couple of paragraphs from Paul Bonicelli’s book review that, in my judgment,
make it valuable in its own right.
First, Bonicelli highlights Lythcot-Haims’ indictment of the parents of today’s college students, noting that she… does a good job of reviewing the problems of millennials at the university and beyond. We all know how so many kids come to college and into the workplace needing their hands held, being sensitive to criticism, and being unable to simply function as mature and independent adults. But she does more than offer a litany of problems. She examines the roots of the problem—namely, pressure from parents and brand-plumping elite universities—and tells parents forthrightly they are hurting their own kids. Finally, she offers suggestions for how everyone can fix themselves.
First, Bonicelli highlights Lythcot-Haims’ indictment of the parents of today’s college students, noting that she… does a good job of reviewing the problems of millennials at the university and beyond. We all know how so many kids come to college and into the workplace needing their hands held, being sensitive to criticism, and being unable to simply function as mature and independent adults. But she does more than offer a litany of problems. She examines the roots of the problem—namely, pressure from parents and brand-plumping elite universities—and tells parents forthrightly they are hurting their own kids. Finally, she offers suggestions for how everyone can fix themselves.
Bonicelli later adds: The book
is replete with often heart-rending examples of unhappy, depressed, unnecessarily
medicated kids and young adults whose entire lives have been micromanaged and
dominated by parents oblivious to what their kids want or need.
But what impressed me about Bonicelli’s review of How to Raise an Adult was his criticism of the book’s lack of emphasis on the need for parents and
our schools to raise good human beings. Bonicelli
attributes this void to the state of
education at the elementary and secondary levels and the lack of moral training
in our culture... He makes his point
by asking us baby boomers and Generation X readers to get in the time machine and go back to yesteryear when kids learned at
home, in school, and at church or synagogue that the highest aim was a life
well-lived. Everywhere children turned
they were encouraged to be upright, kind, self-reliant, giving, and
hardworking. They were taught to abjure evil, sloth, immorality, selfishness,
and idleness. They got these lessons
from their parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles. They heard sermons and homilies and got life
instructions from whatever their religious institution taught as the moral law.
When they went to school, these lessons were reinforced through the curriculum and the standard of behavior required of them. Kids, understood implicitly as moral beings, had adults to rely upon to help them navigate life’s ups and downs as they matured. For those rare kids who were spared much adversity in their young lives, there were lessons and examples aplenty in the things they read as a matter of course at school. No parents are perfect, but social pressure and the way things were constantly taught and reinforced living well.
When they went to school, these lessons were reinforced through the curriculum and the standard of behavior required of them. Kids, understood implicitly as moral beings, had adults to rely upon to help them navigate life’s ups and downs as they matured. For those rare kids who were spared much adversity in their young lives, there were lessons and examples aplenty in the things they read as a matter of course at school. No parents are perfect, but social pressure and the way things were constantly taught and reinforced living well.
Take one example: If
one wants to know how human beings are supposed to face trials and overcome,
how to be generous and giving toward others in need, great literature like the
Bible, Dickens, Shakespeare, and Aesop’s fables offer excellent instruction
with timeless examples for all ages and stations. For some kids in the past,
that included Cicero and Aurelias, and Augustine and Aquinas.
For those of us tempted to dismiss Bonicelli’s point by pointing out that we cannot return to how things were before modernism and postmodernism emerged, he is quick to offer a counterargument:
Pointing out that times have changed and that we can’t go back to yesteryear doesn’t impress me. Right reason and experience tell us the truth about how to raise children into adults. No amount of postmodern sophistry and relativism can overcome reality. Our efforts should be put into fixing the problem the right way—one kid, one family, and one school at a time.
Having composed this snapshot of a great book review and a worthwhile book, I am more motivated to be a part of the solution. Instead of bemoaning social unrest in our cities and on our campuses, and debating the causes, let’s be part of the solution to the problem by reaching out and mentoring—“one kid, one family, and one school at a time.” As we do, let us remember to emphasize godly character more than “success,” and encouraging good stewardship of opportunities to serve others rather than simply encouraging pursuit of material wealth for personal gain.
The things which you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses, entrust these to faithful men who will be able to teach others also. – 2 Timothy 2: 2
Further Reading:
Paul Bonicelli’s review of How to Raise an Adult: See “The College Kids Are Not All Right”
Related Oikonomia articles:
Dominion 101 - Spheres of Responsibility – Christian responsibility in three spheres (family, church, and government)
Jackie Robinson -- “YOU Don’t Belong Here!” – How character was developed in Jackie Robinson and Ben Carson through strong families.
For those of us tempted to dismiss Bonicelli’s point by pointing out that we cannot return to how things were before modernism and postmodernism emerged, he is quick to offer a counterargument:
Pointing out that times have changed and that we can’t go back to yesteryear doesn’t impress me. Right reason and experience tell us the truth about how to raise children into adults. No amount of postmodern sophistry and relativism can overcome reality. Our efforts should be put into fixing the problem the right way—one kid, one family, and one school at a time.
Having composed this snapshot of a great book review and a worthwhile book, I am more motivated to be a part of the solution. Instead of bemoaning social unrest in our cities and on our campuses, and debating the causes, let’s be part of the solution to the problem by reaching out and mentoring—“one kid, one family, and one school at a time.” As we do, let us remember to emphasize godly character more than “success,” and encouraging good stewardship of opportunities to serve others rather than simply encouraging pursuit of material wealth for personal gain.
The things which you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses, entrust these to faithful men who will be able to teach others also. – 2 Timothy 2: 2
Further Reading:
Paul Bonicelli’s review of How to Raise an Adult: See “The College Kids Are Not All Right”
Related Oikonomia articles:
Dominion 101 - Spheres of Responsibility – Christian responsibility in three spheres (family, church, and government)
Jackie Robinson -- “YOU Don’t Belong Here!” – How character was developed in Jackie Robinson and Ben Carson through strong families.
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